5 Things Texans Safety Troy Nolan Could Be Doing in This Picture OTHER Than Urinating
When you gotta go...
This just in -- sometimes men pee in places other than the bathroom.
Sometimes it's out of choice, sometimes it's out of necessity, sometimes it's out of spite. Or it can be a combination of all three. (My co-host on 1560 The Game and noted LSU fan John Granato famously tells a story about a crowded bar in Gainesville in which he and another friend of ours took a leak under a table while standing up. Considering said leak took place on the same day as the LSU-Florida football game, I believe it hits the "choice/necessity/spite" trifecta.)
Point being, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Unfortunately, sometimes cameras are around. Like at Texans OTAs last week.
On the most recent episode of Sports Sunday on Channel 2, reporter extraordinaire Adam Clanton was doing a piece on Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing. The camera followed Cushing performing a fairly innocuous drill when it inadvertently caught an ever so brief shot of safety Troy Nolan by himself along a far wall, facing that wall and doing something.
The immediate assumption is that Nolan was taking a leak because a) he can, b) he's trying to make a mark in training camp so he can get more playing time and a full bladder would be detrimental to achieving that goal, and c) he had to go badly and couldn't make it back to the locker room. Also, it's fun for me to snicker and discuss pee (and poo) so that's not only the likely correct assumption, it's also the funniest assumption.
But just in case Nolan wasn't whizzing, so that I may steer clear of any friction from the Texans and/or Nolan himself, I will issue a five-pronged caveat listing five other things he may very well have been doing in that picture:
5. Kubiak sent Nolan to time out We've heard Kubiak constantly refer to his players, regardless of their age, as "kids." You know, like "Arian is a good kid...I just feel bad for the kids, they work so dang hard...we're gonna miss that 45-year-old kid Matt Turk." Well, it would stand to reason that if he refers to them as kids, then he treats them as kids, too. I'm guessing that maybe Troy Nolan was acting up in drill lines, not keeping his hands to himself, or maybe he even said a bad word. 4. Nolan was texting or tweeting somebody If it were training camp or a practice during the regular season, I'd say no way, but these are OTAs. They barely count as practice. Hell, I think they may even be voluntary. And if they're that unimportant, then why can't a player answer texts or retweet some rap lyrics in the middle of a drill? And if you've ever tried to text/tweet outdoors, you know you need shade. My theory: Nolan was just shade-seeking.
3. Nolan is counting to 100 for a game of "hide and go seek" Credit to my girlfriend Amy for this hypothesis. Also, the visual of Nolan counting to 100 is even funnier if you pretend that Nolan is "seeking" Cushing, who is "hiding" behind the big workout ball. Ready or not, here I come!!
2. Maybe li'l Troy is just shy. Ever think of that? Hey, I understand that Nolan is heading into his fourth training camp as a Texan, but there are a lot of new faces in camp this year. We know that sometimes kids (and may I remind you once again, the head coach says they are "kids") can be a little bashful around people they don't know very well. Perhaps the presence of Bradie James, a plethora of rookies and a few cameras was enough to frighten li'l Troy into the corner.
1. It's not really Troy Nolan, it's actually a Troy Nolan Fathead I think we should leave open the possibility that the object in the #33 jersey in the background may not be a person at all. It could be a Troy Nolan Fathead decal stuck to the wall, although admittedly it would seem strange for the Texans to stick a Fathead on their practice facility fence. And even stranger that a Fathead of the back side of a player would exist. And even stranger that a Fathead of any side of Troy Nolan would exist.
In the end, I'm still going to stick with urination as the likely activity taking place in this picture. Thankfully, Channel 2 caught Nolan facing the fence. While pictures like this are funny, we don't need to see everything.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- #BlackLivesMatter Faces Backlash After Deputy’s Slaying
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 2:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 6:00pm
- College Football: Five Best Bets On Season Win Totals
- With No Funding, Texas Race Tracks Ordered to Close — at Least for Now