A Drunken Wade Boggs Channels Garth Brooks (w/ VIDEO)
We interrupt your Texans-versus-Ravens coverage for some drunken quasi-karaoke video!
Let's face it, there's only so many different angles you can take with analysis of a football game over the course of seven days. I'm a little Texan-ed out at this point, and besides, I won't have anything more intelligent to say about the game at this point than Ben DuBose's stellar recipe for an upset from earlier today on this blog.
So let's head into the weekend on a high note (no pun intended) with Wade Boggs channeling Garth Brooks at some outdoor bar in the Florida Keys!
First, a little back story on Boggs. Baseball fans are very familiar with the Hall of Famer who is best remembered for the following:
Houston Dynamo vs. Sporting Kansas City
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Rice Owls Men's Baseball vs. University of Houston Cougars Baseball
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U of H Cougars Baseball v Texas A&M Corpus Christi
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1. A .328 career batting average, 3,010 career hits, five batting titles, 12 All-Star appearances, eight Silver Slugger awards and one World Series title. Basically, Boggs could have his own version of the "12 Days of Christmas" if he wanted.
2. A steamy four-year affair with a California mortgage broker named Margo Adams that went public in 1989, and gave us a tell-all interview in Penthouse with Adams and a rebuttal interview on 20/20 conducted by Barbara Walters with Boggs. (I'll let you guess which interview I consumed.)
3. A propensity for performing every inane superstition under the sun, including eating chicken before every game, running wind sprints at 7:17 every night and drawing a Hebrew "chai" symbol in the dirt before each at-bat.
4. His participation in the famous "Homer at the Bat" episode of The Simpsons, which was one of the most popular episodes in the history of the program and the first one to beat The Cosby Show head-to-head in the ratings.
5. His participation in one of the classic WWE Mr. Perfect vignettes. Boggs would eventually go on to induct Perfect into the WWE Hall of Fame posthumously in 2007.
6. Hitting a home run for his 3,000th career hit (the first ever to do so) and then basically getting on his knees and French kissing home plate after he ran around the bases.
7. Drinking 72 beers on a cross-country flight, a story that has become legendary as time has gone by. Asked specifically about it, Boggs doesn't confirm the number, but instead says that it was "a few Miller Lites."
8. Fake hair!
Now we can add "drunken country music singer" to this eclectic mix. This took place in Florida with a musician named Dangerous Dave Merrill (not sure if I'm supposed to know who he is). The parts of this video that I think you will enjoy the most, in chronological order:
0:10 -- Boggs appears to be singing inside some sort of closet or expanded phone booth. I believe this was done because of some shaky wet weather, but I'd like to think that someone convinced Boggs that the closet was a studio and that he was actually recording a real album. His intensity would seem to imply that is the case.
0:35 -- "..but I'll never hear you complaaaiiin!!" The first of many lyrical gaffes. 1:22 -- Someone actually yells at Boggs to sing louder, which is funny for two reasons -- first, that means someone actually wanted to hear his dulcet tones, and second, the respect level for Boggs is at the point where lowbrow barflies are berating him for the volume of his singing.
1:31 -- "...well I'll be as high as that ivory tower...that you're BLHSIDH OOOHHHHH!!!" Huh?
2:09 -- The second verse mercifully trails off into some sort of mumbling ending. Now, in a Garth Brooks live show, this would normally mean the infamous "live concert only" third verse, complete with the colorful "kiss my ass" rhyme. In a perfect world, resetting to cue up the third verse should take all of five seconds, but Boggs is such a meandering, bumbling mess, you may as well be cueing up a relaunch of the space shuttle. It takes that long...
2:35 -- "Look at her...look at him...who gives a damn....I gotta say!" WOW.
3:10 -- The audience finally starts the third verse without him, and he is forced to listen along at what he should be singing. So theoretically, he never really sang the third verse.
3:47 -- "Yeah, it doesn't matter of the wind bloowwss....we don't need a BRHLDKSH..."
4:27 -- Someone yells "Don't quit your day job!" at Boggs.
Enjoy the incoherent ramblings of Hall of Famer Wade Boggs!
See, now wasn't that better than getting more bullshit from me about the 3-4 defense and the Texans' need for red zone proficiency? Of course it was!
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
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