According to His HOF Bust, Deion Sanders Is Troy Aikman's Identical Twin
The International House of Crappy Sculpture
Just getting back into the swing of things after a weekend wedding in San Antonio. The wedding actually took place on the Riverwalk, marking the first time I've ever done anything sober on the Riverwalk other than "walking to the place where I'm having my first few round of drinks." It felt weird.
And the wedding was outside (obviously) underneath a pine tree, so there was the added
potential comedy intrigue of the possibility for one of the four dozen or so pigeons to drop turd on someone's head. The closest we came to a YouTube moment was a stream of white pigeon goop landing about two feet from the bride (which according to some would constitute good luck).
Anyway, I didn't get to take in much sports this weekend. Fortunately, the highlight of the weekend was a mere picture -- Deion Sanders's Pro Football Hall of Fame bust:
Now, I didn't get to hear the Hall of Fame speeches. I'll do that tonight when I play DVR catch-up. From what I can gather, a) Richard Dent got killed for not thanking Buddy Ryan and Mike Ditka, b) Shannon Sharpe had the best speech that some people say they've ever seen, and c) Marshall Faulk had the misfortune of following Sharpe and made the mistake of going seven minutes longer than Sharpe. Bad look for Marshall.
But the one topic I can comment on with firsthand knowledge (because all I need is a working set of eyeballs) is Deion Sanders's Hall of Fame bust. Now to be clear, I would say that virtually nobody inducted into the Hall has a bust that even closely resembles his face. The copper metallic sheen just doesn't lend itself to visual accuracy.
But Deion's bust is in another universe. I threw it out there to my listeners today to tell me what they thought the bust looked like. Here are the answers to "Who does this statue resemble" in order of accuracy:
1. Troy Aikman 2. Troy Aikman frozen in carbonite like Han Solo in Star Wars 3. Eddie Haskell 4. Johnny Unitas 5. Vince Vaughn in Swingers . . . . 321,523. Deion Sanders
My personal vote, and it may not finish anywhere on the Deion Bust continuum, was that the bust looked like one of those clowns that you scream your order into at an old-school drive-through, especially when he put the do-rag on the sculpture's head. And this brings me to my next conundrum -- I would like to bring my kids to the Pro Football Hall of Fame someday, but I'm fearful that the busts in there, particularly Deion's, would give them nightmares until they leave for college in five years. Not good parenting.
My plea to the Hall of Fame is three-pronged:
1. Hire better sculptors.
2. Tell the new sculptors to stop doing busts with teeth. Tattoos of people's faces that contain teeth, and head busts with a toothy smile NEVER look like the intended subject. EVER.
3. If neither 1 nor 2 works, just change the Hall into a wax museum. Those are creepy but at least it's a medium where Deion Sanders would look like Mannequin Deion Sanders and not Troy Aikman in carbonite.
You're welcome, Hall of Fame.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on Yahoo! Sports Radio (Sirius 94, XM 208) and 1560 The Game in Houston, and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.