Al & Tipper: Five Political Marriages We Thought Would End Before Theirs
If you've been wondering why the internet is full of awful global-warming related puns today, it's because Al and Tipper Gore have announced that, after 40 or so years of marriage, things are just not going to work out.
We're guessing there are some shoes about to be dropped, but what do we know? After all, we would have bet big money that any one of these five political marriages would have busted up long before the Gores:
1. W & Laura
As everyone knows when there's a Democratic politician on the cover, the National Enquirer is full of rock-solid reporting on domestic scandals. It's only because the liberal mainstream media is in the tank for Obama that they're not reporting on the Enquirer's recent scoop on the president's mistress.
Except we used to see, seemingly every couple of months, an Enquirer cover on the checkout line screaming that W was back on the booze and Laura was saying it's over. So we just assumed that once they left the White House, the two would go their separate ways.
Maybe they're waiting until their books are in paperback.
2. Bill & Hillary
Come on, no one had the Gores in the year 2000 version of "Which marriage lasts longer -- the Clintons or the Gores?" It was the equivalent of asking "Who wins a Super Bowl first -- the Texans or any other NFL team?" in 2004.
Yet the Clintons endure, while the Gores split. Make of that what you will, and we're guessing what you'll make of it is not "The Clintons have a wonderful, monogamous relationship."
3. Dennis & Elizabeth Kucinich
Because....well, just because. Unless Dennis makes Ron Jeremy jealous.
4. James Carville & Mary Matalin
Please, get this couple off our TV screen. Carville is entertaining, Matalin is whinier than Debbie Downer, and our mind is permanently injured from the thought of them talking to each other. (We refuse to countenance the idea they actually have sex.)
Anyway, if two people disagree so vehemently on the subject they are most passionate about, either they don't really believe what they say on TV or they have the best elephant-in-the-room-ignoring abilities outside of....Hillary Clinton, we guess.
5. David Vitter & Whomever He's Married To
David Vitter is a senator from Louisiana. He's also a guy whose name tends to show up in stories that use the word "madam," normally not a good thing for a marriage.
When you've been going to prostitutes as a married man -- when googling your name and "diapers" doesn't bring up parenting tips -- we're not going to have your name down on our "most likely to last" marriage list.
But power is a wonderful thing, the diaper charge was never proven, and you've asked God for forgiveness. So maybe you've never cheated on your wife again, and that's why she stays with you.
We just never figured on you outlasting the Gores.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.