The Best Prayer-in-School Ruling Ever
By Richard Connelly
U.S. District Judge Fred Biery recently agreed to a settlement in a long-running case involving prayer in a Central Texas school district.
His ruling got some ink, but perhaps not all it deserved, for it is a concise masterpiece of sanity that comes from one of the most turbulent, extremist arenas today: the so-called "War on Religion."
You can read the whole thing online, but let us list the five best quotes and why they shine. (Hint: They get better as they go on.):
5. "Any American can pray, silently or verbally, seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, in private as Jesus taught or in large public events as Mohammed instructed."
This comes under the heading "What This Case Has Not Been About" (the answer: "The right to pray") and nicely ties Muslim/Islam/Jihad/etc. with the plaintiffs' demands to pray Christian prayers at a high school graduation.
4. About the effort to harmonize competing interests with the First Amendment: "Although this pursuit is far from over, '[l]et us realize the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.'"
Hitting them with Obama's favorite Martin Luther King Jr. quote: Way to twist the knife, judge.
3. "To those Christians who have venomously and vomitously cursed the Court family and have threatened bodily harm and assassination: In His name, I forgive you."
"Vomitously"? Niiice. And of course, the knife that got twisted with MLK just got twisted a little more with "In His name."
2. "To those who have prayed for my death: Your prayers will someday be answered, as inevitability trumps probability."
Not quite an "I'll see you in hell" quote, but dry and dignified.
1. "To those in the executive and legislative branches of government who have demagogued this case for their own political goals: You should be ashamed of yourselves."
Well, there's only one person in the executive branch of state government with his own political goals. We can't remember who it is, though; he kinda dropped out of sight sometime after the New Hampshire primary.
Franchisees: Dr. Brown Wiretaps, Overbills
By Craig Malisow
Physician-franchisees of erstwhile hand doctor/wife-beater Michael Brown's medical empire have sued Brown in Harris County District Court, accusing him of siphoning money for personal "perks," tapping office phones, overbilling patients and blocking doctors' computer access.
It's a bit confusing, but Brown's business interests are sort of like Jiffy Lubes of medicine, with the franchisees in this case — Stephen Barrett, Peter Bregman and three other physicians — running Barrett Foot & Ankle Centers in San Antonio and Phoenix. They pay a 15 percent royalty to the Brown Hand Center, as well as fees to the Brown-owned Surgeon's Management Inc., which collects the money.
The plaintiffs allege that Brown — personally, and through his companies — has "altered" the foot doctors' "computer access codes and passwords, thereby locking them out of their computers, clinical databases and electronic medical records that are an integral part of providing treatment for patients."
The suit also claims that Surgeon's Management is "unilaterally adjusting the medical fees" at the podiatry depots, in one case inflating an $8,000 procedure to a cool $70,000. Part of this is due to Brown's forcing Barrett patients to undergo surgery at the Brown-owned St. Michael's Center for Specialty Surgery, the suit claims. Those centers, according to the suit, "have a history of systematically overbilling patients."
Brown has also collected unauthorized distributions "for his personal use under the guise of business expenses and/or 'perks,'" the suit alleges.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The franchisees (that's how you know you've really ascended to the pinnacle of medicine, by the way — when you can tell people you're a fucking franchisee) also say Brown "conspired to wire tap...telephones and other communication devices for the purpose of eavesdropping and spying on the physicians."
This must have been a rude awakening for Barrett and his pals, since at no point in the history of the universe has Michael Brown demonstrated that he is anything but an ethical, morally upright citizen whose sole purpose in life is to help other people.
The franchisees are seeking a temporary restraining order and an unspecified sum in damages. Brown has not filed a response.
Allegations of financial weirdness first surfaced during Brown's divorce case, when his chief financial officer invoked his Fifth Amendment right in response to questions about Brown underlings allegedly funneling him $17,000 in cash from his various businesses.