Biggest Loser v 7.0 -- Sacramento Kings Guard Tyreke Evans
Overall, it's turned into kind of a slow sports week, which I guess is to be expected as we are in the dreaded "post-NFL combine, pre-March Madness dead period." Add in the fact that the Rockets have seemingly been on a second All-Star break this week (haven't played since Saturday), and on a lazy Thursday I believe it may be time to dust off the "Biggest Loser" gimmick.
After all, there may be days without games, there may be days without news, but sports will always give us losers. Always.
First, let's reset previous recipients of the "Biggest Loser" award, an award which laments the human condition of stupidity and yearns for the eventual Darwinian weeding-out of these folks from the collective gene pool:
Biggest Loser, v 1.0 -- Brewer Lawn Ornament Hoarder
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Rice Owls Football vs. North Texas
TicketsSat., Nov. 25, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
TicketsMon., Dec. 25, 3:30pm
Houston Open - Good Any One Day Grounds
TicketsSun., Apr. 1, 11:59pm
Biggest Loser, v 2.0 -- (Then-) Dallas Cowboys WR Roy Williams
Biggest Loser, v 3.0 -- Luther Campbell
Biggest Loser, v 4.0 -- Jeff Toole
Biggest Loser, v 5.0 -- Washington Wizards Chris Singleton
Biggest Loser, v 6.0 -- Tattooed Yankee Fan Carlos Sturgus
And into the club we now welcome Sacramento Kings guard Tyreke Evans!
Frankly, when you look at his overall resume, it's a small miracle that Evans hasn't been inducted into this notorious group before. Recapping his body of work, it started back before he went off to college for one year at Memphis when he was the driver of a car from which his cousin, Jamar Evans, shot and killed a guy back in 2007.
Then after being named NBA Rookie of Year for the 2009-2010 season, Evans decided to celebrate by getting nabbed by the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs, y'all!) for doing well over 100 miles per hour on a Sacramento freeway. In fact, it appears from the overhead surveillance video that he was approaching 120 to 130 miles per hour at times during this joy ride. Check out the YouTube clips:
Then there's Evans' general basketball turd-ness in a four year career that has seen him go backwards statistically each season as compared to the previous year. His yearly scoring average has gone like this over his NBA career: 20.1, 17.8, 16.5, and all the way down to 15.5 this season. Given the opportunity to extend Evans before the season, the Kings declined to do so.
And now comes the incident that finally allowed Evans to break through and make this illustrious list. It comes from Tuesday night's Kings-Heat game in Miami, a game that was actually closer than most expected it to be for a while. Eventually, the Heat managed to put some daylight between them and the Kings, and the last minute or so of the game turned into a "dribble out the clock" situation.
That's all that Heat guard Dwyane Wade wanted to do when he got the ball at midcourt with mere seconds remaining. However, Evans had other ideas. Check it out:
Ball don't lie, Tyreke. You are a loser.
Now is this incident on par with alleged accessory to murder? No, of course not. Is it anywhere close to reckless driving and endangering innocent fellow motor vehicle operators? Nope. But it is an embarrassing straw to break the camel's back, and enough to finally help Tyreke Evans realize his destiny as Biggest Loser v 7.0.
(h/t to Deadspin.com)
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