Billy Mays....And That's
Not Billy Mays, Too!!!
This has been a bad couple of days to be famous. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and now...Billy Mays!
Shit. loved this guy. I loved the way he was so totally and completely FIRED UP about his products. Be it OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Handy Switch, iCan, Mighty Putty, Awesome Auger, Steam Buddy, or the Tool Bandit, Billy Mays was COMMITTED TO BRINGING YOU GREAT PRODUCTS!
I ask you this...what justice can we expect in a world that allows the asshole ShamWow! guy to live even after he slapped around a prostitute while a married father of two who promised his items would WORK OR YOUR MONEY BACK is allowed to die? Billy Mays is dead, my friends, yet a prostitute slapper goes on about his business with impunity.
I own a couple of Billy Mays products. Kaboom will kick the shit out of that pink crap that grows in your tub. And OxiClean? I bled all over the carpet just to see if it worked, and it did. (Kidding. But I did give Mr. Pop Rocks a bloody nose to have an excuse to use it.)
Billy Mays was of the old school. Like the original Godfather of Pitch Ron Popeil, Billy Mays put every ounce of energy into his commercials. "Yes, Billy, yes," you would murmur to yourself as you watched him use Mighty Putty to literally pull a tractor trailer! ("Just cut like dough and knead to activate! Plus it's ideal for all your crafting projects!") You'd smile excitedly as he wiped down his furniture with Orange Glo. ("I looooove beautiful wood," he told me. "Don't you?") YES, Billy, I do!!!
Seriously. Tell me that you haven't had the urge to purchase one of Billy's products based on his insanely excited delivery alone. And now he is gone and I'm sorry. He seemed like a truly good guy.
The ShamWow guy better step it up. Seriously.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- College and NFL Football: Thanksgiving Weekend's Best Bets
Sat., Nov. 28, 7:00pm
Sun., Nov. 29, 12:00pm
Mon., Nov. 30, 7:00pm
Wed., Dec. 2, 7:00pm
- The 10 Best Things About the Holidays in Houston
- Prosecutors: Paxton's Hollow Outrage at "DEFCON 1"