Blue Bell Hooks Up Girlfriend of Selfish Ice Cream Hog with Year's Supply of Ice Cream
Vanilla is peace.
In the world we live in today, with social media and YouTube collaborating to make stars of practically anybody, fifteen minutes of fame can come in a variety of ways.
Quirky athletic endeavors (every trick shot video shot in the last three years), aspiring lounge acts (every takeoff of "Call Me Maybe"), previously anonymous generous souls (every video of a town with a heart of gold getting behind a troubled kid or inspiring cause) all now see the light of day. That's a good thing!
But apparently nothing gets rewarded quite like some good ol' gluttony and selfishness! Which brings us to the taste bud-tickling story of Jake Moran and Georgia Arnett, a Central Indiana couple with some "sharing" issues.
In case you missed it, one of the handful of viral videos last week was a fairly humorous breakdown by Chris Webber on NBA TV of Arnett attempting to scrape off a mere morsel of Moran's ample mint chocolate chip ice cream cone at a Pacers game. Moran was having none of this tomfoolery, opting instead to keep all of that sweet minty nectar to himself.
Not very nice!
I would Zapruder the video of what went down, but the C-Webb footage below is a Zapruder unto itself, so here you go (and thank you, C-Webb!):
Now, you would think it would just end there, and if it were still, say, 2003, you'd be right. But in 2013, where viral fame is handed out like food stamps, this little display wound up mushrooming like a mint chocolate chip nuclear fallout diagram. Eventually, it ended up at the same destination of all of these "feisty couple teetering on relationship brink" videos end up -- on some sort of "couch and sofa" morning talk show (or on Tosh.0).
Here is the video of Moran's and Arnett's appearance on Fox 59 (presumably in Indiana). (NOTE: I had previously embedded the video here, but found out it was an auto play deal. VERY annoying. So click the link and go watch their appearance. It's like three minutes long.)
The bottom line is that the tickets to the game (and to a lesser extent, the ice cream) were birthday gifts to Moran from Arnett and her parents. After being denied a spoonful of his birthday ice cream by her boyfriend, Arnett would up with a year's supply of Blue Bell ice cream!
Okay, a few things here:
6. Let me get this straight -- Arnett's parents bought the tickets for Moran's birthday. Arnett herself bought him the ice cream. And he still didn't want to share any of it? Could this Jake Moran be a bigger jackass? I love him! Well I did, at least, until....
5. ....until he said he doesn't really like other people touching his food. Any wrestling fan knows, there's a difference between being a brash, anti-establishment heel ("You ain't havin' any of my ice cream, bitch!") and a soft, foo foo cake-boy heel ("Oooo yuck, girl spit? On MY ice cream?")
4. The Amish population in Central Indiana is pretty plentiful. Do we know with that beard that Moran isn't Amish? Or perhaps he's just a huge Andrew Luck fan? (This is where I need to be the one conducting these interviews, not whats-her-name from Fox 59. I'd have spent a solid 90 seconds of discussion on Moran's beard.)
3. Blue Bell Ice Cream (Brenham, Texas represent yo!) comes in and saves the day for Arnett with a year's supply of ice cream, and it sounds like a legit year's supply, not one of these "one gallon every week for a year" deals that they twist into making it sound like a year's supply. Baller ice cream life style, right there!
2. By the way, is it insensitive of me to point out the double whammy punishment to Moran that not only is he being portrayed as some sort of selfish germaphobe on television and the web, but his girlfriend is about to tack on about fifty pounds in the next six months from shoveling gallons of Rocky Road down her piehole? Is that mean of me?
1. Finally, and most importantly, I would like to let the good folks at Budweiser and Comcast Sports Net know that I will be at the Rockets-Pacers game on Wednesday night sitting in Section 107. At various points throughout the first quarter, I'll be asking my girlfriend Amy for a sip of her beer. Just know that she never wants to share it. You'll see when the cameras show me. It's terribly soul crushing.
Looking forward to that year's supply of ice cold Bud Light...
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 10 a.m. to noon CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
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