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Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer

The first trailer for Eclipse, the third film in Stephanie Meyer's asexual vampire series, "dropped" this morning. At first glance, there doesn't appear to be much we haven't already seen in the Twilight movies: a pale, brooding Edward (Robert Pattinson)...an earnest, shirtless Jacob (Taylor Lautner)...and a Bella so indifferent to the attentions of her two suitors she might as well be in suspended animation (Kristen Stewart).


See what I mean? Aside from the whole "Volturi don't give second chances" comment, pretty much every scene could have been lifted straight from either of the first two movies. This is obviously due to the overall high quality of the series itself, and not at all indicative of other issues like repetitive dialogue, glacial pacing, and boring characters.

But if you look more closely, you'll see just what it is that appeals to so many pre-adolescent girls and lonely housewives who thought The Bridges of Madison County could've used a few vampires.

0:12 -- Is this the Pacific Northwest?

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


Could be. Then again, could be Middle Earth.

0:20 -- Whoa, hands where we can seem 'em, pal.

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


Vampires. Always pushing the limits of platonic affection.

0:23 -- You think this is the Pacific Northwest?

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer

I'm still not seeing it...

0:25 -- The Renaissance Faire is thataway, kids.

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


One thing I never could stand about Santa Carla Forks, all the goddamned LARPers.

Mr. McGee, please don't make me sparkly.

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


You wouldn't like me when I'm sparkly.
 

0:42 -- Guys, I'm pretty sure this is the Pacific Northwest

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


Though I still haven't seen a coffee place anywhere.

0:47 -- "I'm in love with you, Bella.

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


Stewart demonstrates one of her two emotions.

1:09 -- The bad guy

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


It's like Stevie Nicks and Shaun White had a baby.

1:19 -- SQUEEEEE

eclipse09.jpg

Thank Christ, I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to get shirtless.

1:21 -- "How many of these do I have to make?"

Breaking Down The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer


Ah yes, there's the other expression. I think...

Boy, June 30 can't come fast enough.


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