MORE

Brian Downing: Alleged Alabama Teabagger Pleads Not Guilty (w/ VIDEO)

Fun in New Orleans
Fun in New Orleans

On the evening of January 9, 2012, the Alabama Crimson Tide beat the LSU Tigers in the BCS National Championship Game. They beat them like a drum to the tune of 21-0. The game was so lopsided that LSU amassed a grand total of 92 yards in total offense, five first downs and didn't cross midfield until eight minutes remained in the game.

It was an ass kicking in every sense of those words.

After the game, the beatdown continued in the French Quarter, and what I mean by that is...well, if you're looking for a raucous, deplorable "French Quarter" act that serves as a metaphor for what happened on the field that night, here you go:

Many of you have probably already seen this video. If you indeed have, I recommend watching it again even if it's just to serve as a reminder to those of you with children to repeatedly warn your kids about the dangers of a) passing out shitfaced on Bourbon Street and b) doing anything remotely criminal in the presence of iPhones.

If you haven't seen this video, watch the whole thing but in particular, remain dialed in from about the 3:30 mark through the end of the video (NSFW warning makes sense right about here), for that is where we get to the trigger event for today's news involving fun little words like "arraignment" and "civil lawsuit":

The dude hanging brain atop the comatose Tiger fan is named Brian Downing, 32, of Smiths Station, Alabama. (Not to be confused with former California Angels catcher/left fielder Brian Downing, who is now 61 years old and presumably not a chronic teabagger.) Downing is a husband and the father of an eight-month-old son, who will now be able to watch his dad in all of his drunken glory forever thanks to the magic of YouTube!

Courtesy of wjla.com, here is the latest:

 

An Alabama fan pleaded not guilty this week to committing sexual battery on an unconscious LSU fan after the BCS national title game, which was caught on video.

Brian H. Downing, 32, of Smiths Station, Ala., was arraigned on one count each of sexual battery of a male victim and obscenity.

His attorney Michael Kennedy said he tried to get the bond reduced, but the judge left it at $50,000.

In the video, a man appears to perform a simulated sex act on the LSU fan. The LSU fan, whose name has not been released, has filed a civil lawsuit against Downing. The lawsuit does not specify a dollar figure for damages.

It says the LSU fan suffered "mental anguish, humiliation, embarrassment, anxiety and depression ... damage to reputation" and lost tuition payments "for having to withdraw from school."

To be fair to Downing, the ass kicking that the Crimson Tide had already administered earlier in the evening on LSU probably had left most Tiger fans (including this barely conscious one at the Krystal Burger) feeling angry, humiliated, embarrassed, anxious and depressed.

According to Kennedy, Downing has not been served with that civil lawsuit, and makes a point to let us all know that Downing also has suffered since then. Hey, sometimes these things are just as hard on the bagger as they are on the baggee, people.

Apparently, Downing and his wife are getting by on her salary and donations from her family and his, Kennedy said. As I mentioned, the couple has an eight-month-old son. "He was fired from the job he held since college, and can't get another one because of the charge against him," Kennedy said. "He's not receiving unemployment."

Poor guy. He comes across as so likable, too, in that video.

The trial date was set for September 4, which means that at least Downing will get to watch his Crimson Tide take on the Michigan Wolverines on September 1 before this case goes to trial.

For his sake, here's hoping that finding a way to convince a jury of his peers that the above video is something other than a sexual assault ("Um, I had a cramp and that was the only place I could stretch out, Judge! NO, REALLY!!") proves to be significantly easier than shutting down Denard Robinson.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.


Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.


Sponsor Content