Bring Me The Head Of This Bastardized Version Of Melrose Place
Did the creators of this Melrose Place remake not take a note from the obvious failure of the "new" 90210? Did they not realize that you can only catch lightning in a bottle once?
Yes, friends, apparently the CW is bringing back the `90s soap in September, and I, for one, am disgusted by this turn of events.
I was so excited about the premiere of the REAL Melrose back in the day that I actually taped the first episode (okay, so I was 15 when it aired, gimme a break). I watched that first hour over and over, convinced that this was what my twenties would be like -- full of love, lust, intrigue, and Andrew Shue. (Wherefore art thou, Billy?) I still remember my father walking into the family room as I viewed the show's antics intently and hearing him say, "What the hell is this crap?"
By the time I made it college, Melrose had become a delightful, campy piece of filthy trash, complete with the infamous scene where Kimberly Shaw (all hail Marcia Cross) ripped off her wig -- awesome! The `90s version of Melrose -- the classic version -- lived and died by its own rules, and its spirit cannot be recaptured!
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This bastardized new version stars the sister of Jessica Simpson (She Who Shall Not Be Named), along with a hodgepodge of emaciated, greased-up girls who look more like 18 than 28. The boys appear underfed and have purposely messy hair a la Robert Pattinson. Um, what happened to my strong musclemen of the original show? Or the real girls played by real-looking women like Courtney Thorne-Smith and Daphne Zuniga? Bleh!
Sadly, Thomas Calabro -- Dr. Michael Mancini (the only character from the original to survive the entire first run) -- is back. Guess life post-Melrose has not been good to Calabro, nor to Laura Leighton, who is reprising her role as the manipulative Sydney. Thomas, Laura, I know it's hard being a working actor, but surely you are better than this redux!
Sigh...I guess I've got to admit this is a reality. But if Heather Locklear chooses to join this new cast, I'm going to have to resort to reading books or something.
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