Campaign 2010: 7 Great Moments In Political History
The governor of Texas talks about seceding from the United States of America. Remember when we all thought that was a goofy moment?
It turned out to be only a tease for the rest of the political year. When it comes to politics in 2010, things got a whole lot weirder.
And we're not even talking about crazy ads for things like Alabama Hogfeed Commissioner. The top seven moments so far from races for major seats -- and it's only mid-October:
7. Krystal Ball: Dildo-Pumping Dominatrix Senatorial candidate
Houston Texans vs. Cleveland Browns
TicketsSun., Oct. 15, 12:00pm
TicketsSat., Oct. 21, 7:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
TicketsSun., Nov. 5, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Let's face it, if your name is Krystal Ball, it takes guts to run for Congress. It also should not necessarily be a surprise when pictures of you emerge showing you leading your husband on a dogchain and pumping the dildo he's wearing on his nose.
Hey, it's cool with us how you spend your spare time. Maybe not the voters, though.
6. Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman debate the use of the word "whore"
A Brown staffer called Whitman "a whore" for a deal she cut on legislation; Whitman then feigned outrage over the remark and called it insulting to all women. (She apparently is unaware of rentboys, even though she's a Republican politico.) Brown pointed out that her own supporter had once called the Congress "whores," but that, Whitman said, was very, very different. Very.
5. Joe Manchin shoots a bill
Joe Manchin's the governor of West Virginia, and he's running for the Senate. West Virginia isn't too predisposed to President Obama, so Manchin, while fiddling with a gun, talks of how he's going to go after some of parts of "ObamaCare." But what he really has it in for is the cap-and-trade bill -- he shoots it. It's like a Martin Scorsese version of Schoolhouse Rock's "I'm a Bill."
4. Christine O'Donnell is not a witch
She's you!! If, that is, you were someone who sounded like a perky 10th-grade candidate for student council reading a speech. This ad brings to mind LBJ's story of a Texas pol who wanted to accuse his opponent of being a "pig-fucker."
"But he isn't," an aide told the candidate.
"I know that. But let's make the sonuvabitch deny it."
3. Jan Brewer's Great Debate
Here's a tip: If you want to make English the official language of the state, get a handle on it yourself first.
2. Carl Paladino on gays
This is a master class on how not to convince everyone you're completely comfortable with gays. Especially at the two-minute mark, where you start in on Gay Pride Parades, what with all dem guys in Speedos grinding against each other and whatnot.
1. Rich Iott, Nazi
In the Great Political Playbook, Lesson One is "Never declare 'I'm not a witch.'" Lesson two is "For God's sake, don't let anyone have pictures of you dressed up as an SS officer."
Congressional candidate Rich Iott ignored the second rule, but give him credit: He was not so idiotic as to break the first.
So Rick Perry, we apologize for ever thinking your secession comments were incredibly dumb. The dumbness this year was far, far stronger than that.
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