Casey Anthony: Five Reasons She Should Move to Houston
Casey Anthony, who according to a jury most definitely DID NOT murder her daughter Caylee, is a free woman.
No one seems to be sure where she's headed, but at one point rumors were saying she'd come to Texas.
We think she should, especially Houston. We are well-suited for her, for the following five reasons.
5. Andrea Yates Casey, you definitely, definitely (according to a jury) did not drown your two-year-old daughter. Definitely. But let's just assume arguendo -- strictly as a devil's advocate thing, you know -- that possibly, maybe, perhaps the jury got it wrong. Just spitballing here. Even if that were the case, you would be a mere piker when it came to mothers drowning their kids. Houston's Andrea Yates will, we fervently hope, forever hold that record.
When someone hassles you in Houston, you can always tell them, "At least I'm not Andrea Yates" if the whole "I was found not guilty, dammit" thing somehow doesn't work.
4. We love people who trick the justice system We're not saying this applies to you, of course, because you are as innocent as, say, a two-year-old daughter who ended up brutally murdered. But there's been a lot of criticism that you somehow hoodwinked the jury and escaped justice, from people who obviously haven't heard all the facts about your innocence. Well, a lot of people still love Roger Clemens around here. And if you want to see someone giving the middle finger to the court and living to tell the tale as a free man, look no further than the Rocket.
3. Ash Robinson and Blood and Money We're not sure how much of a reader you are, Casey, seeing how you stay so busy being not guilty of murder and everything. But if you've ever read Blood and Money, you'd know Houston is just the place for someone to not go to jail for a crime he didn't commit or get involved in or even knew about until he read it in the papers. The guy who killed Ash Robinson's beloved daughter had escaped a murder conviction (Sound familiar?), but he somehow ended up dead soon after. Ol' Ash was shocked, shocked to hear about it, and he never was charged with anything.
If you're not a reader, Andy Griffith played him in a miniseries.
2. We looove crazy mothers, like the Cheerleader Mom Look, you definitely didn't murder your kid. According to a jury. But maybe you weren't the world's greatest mom, you know? Don't worry -- here in Houston you won't be too far out of line. There's Andrea Yates, as we mentioned, and then there's Wanda Holloway, who -- even you are not going to believe this -- hired a hit man to take out the mother of a girl who was competing with Holloway's daughter for a cheerleader spot. Crazy, right? Not in Houston. She served all of six months in jail.
1. You can get Astro tickets real cheap Really, they're just about giving them away. Of course, the team sucks, and watching them can be punishment. Not that you've done anything worthy of punishment. According to a jury.
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