Cheerleader Calendar Season Begins: Do's And Don'ts
If it's November, it must be time for professional sports teams to start pimping cheerleader calendars.
The Houston Texans cheerleaders are doing a promo tonight to launch sales of the 2010 calendar. The Texans calendars are not exactly known for their raciness, as befits the "good guy" philosophy of the team that has led to so many championships.
Here's a shot from last year's calendar:
A perfectly nice-looking woman. And, if you look real closely, you may discern a belly button.
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UConn Huskies College Football
TicketsThu., Sep. 29, 11:00am
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
There are many ways of putting together the cheerleader calendar; some succeed, some make you scratch your head. (As opposed, we guess, to scratching or touching other parts of yourself.)
Here's a sample -- with analysis, so it's just not blatant click-whoring.
You know, sometimes the eyeblack looks cute. And sometimes it just looks like the wake of a domestic-disturbance call. Especially if you're making a fist yourself. Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League, learn this lesson, please.
The Philadelphia Eagles care about Mother Earth. Although if they wanted lonely men to think about wind power, they probably would have been better off picking someone bustier than Devan. Supporting the environment also, apparently, involves kneeling in yucky brown water that looks like China's Yellow River just downstream from a plastics factory.
The Cowboys do proclaim themselves to be "America's Team," so we guess that includes marketing themselves to the Amish and burqa wearers. We're trying to figure out how this woman could show less skin, and we're coming up short. Bare midriff? Cover it with those pom poms. Some upper thigh exposed? Slap the calendar logo over it, stat. We've seen nuns less-dressed than this. (And yes, we're still scarred.)
Using freelance Maxim photographers, on the other hand, is completely acceptable. If you look closely at this woman's butt (and we have, because come on you can't avoid it), you'll note this shot is for December. Merry thoughts of anal, Santa!!!!
The Arizona Cardinals are another team that believes in subtlety, if by "subtlety" you mean a woman masturbating.
"Hey hubby -- Want to go swimming?"
"Um, you're wearing long pants, babe."
"Oh, but I have a swimsuit onunderneath
them!! Ooops, no I don't."
We have never understood the holding-the-cowboy-hat move being made here, but it seems to be a staple of fashion shots. To us it looks less like she's riding a bronc than it is she's saying "This goes here, right?"
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.