Chuck Norris: Rick Perry Reveals His True Superpower, And It's Boring

Chuck Norris approved this deadly dull message
Chuck Norris approved this deadly dull message

If you've noticed yourself sitting up a little straighter today, it's because you are proud to live in a state that honors Chuck Norris by naming him an honorary Texas Ranger.

Not the baseball team.

Governor Rick Perry did the deed today, and his official remarks show a trenchant, entertaining look at the Norris phenomenon.

"People may whisper about his super powers," Perry said at the Garland ceremony, "but the greatest power of Chuck Norris is his integrity and his commitment to training the next generation in self-reliance, hard work and honor."

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"Throughout his years as Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck had the support of his brother and executive producer, Aaron," Perry continued on, sweeping the audience along with him on the rising tide of his glorious rhetoric. "Together, they helped elevate our Texas Rangers to truly mythical status. It is for their service that I am proud to name them Honorary Texas Ranger Captains."

Chuck Norris weeps. If only he could.

Play him off, keyboard cat.

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