As made-for-television events go, about the only bad thing I can say about the 2014 Scripps National Spelling Bee is that it ended in a tie.
After getting me to emotionally invest in a back-and-forth that was the spelling equivalent of Michael Jordan versus Dominique Wilkins in the 1986 Slam Dunk Contest, a true clash of the titans, the powers that be in the land of spelling declared some kid named Ansun and some kid named Sriram as co-bee champions.
It was a total buzzkill, and I would imagine for Ansun and Sriram the tie was, as the cliché goes, a little like kissing their sisters. Or kissing any girl, for that matter.
But short of a heel turn by one of the co-champions on the other during the trophy ceremony, it would have been impossible to top the best moment of the night.
Meet Jacob Williamson!
Let Jacob serve as a lesson to all you kids out there -- you don't start celebrating touchdowns at the 20 yard line, you don't start pumping your fist until you've touched home plate, you don't tug on Sriram's cape, and you do NOT, under any circumstances, dorkily screech about how you KNOW the spelling of a word when clearly you don't even know the first letter of said word.
Jacob, you take it from here...
Ouch. That's going to leave a mark.
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And I'm fairly certain that at age 15, Jacob has exhausted all of his eligibility. He should have faked an injury as he was leaving the stage so he could apply for an "age 16 medical redshirt," like the teenage home schooler version of the "Case Keenum stipulation."
It's okay, though. When you've been immortalized as a rap song, that takes some of the sting out of counting your kabaragoyas before they're hatched....