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Coco Brown: Porn Star Will Blast Into Space, And We Find NASA Mission Names For The Ensuing X-Rated Film

Coco Brown, a porn actress we've heard of even though she's the star of such films as Bomb Ass Pussy 2 and Sperma Hotel, is headed for space.

According to media reports which we have a hard time believing, Brown is paying $100,000 to be taken up by private Dutch company Space XC, home for all your porn-astronaut needs.

The Dutch connection makes sense because Coco has specialized in European films the last few years, such as Coco's Saug-Service. (A web translator, by the way, says "saug" is German for "suck, draw into the mouth, suck in.")

She says she won't do porn in space, but how can she resist? She'll need titles for whatever films she produces up there; luckily, NASA has her covered.

NASA's past, present and future missions provide fine fodder for porn titles. Like these eight:

Coco Brown: Porn Star Will Blast Into Space, And We Find NASA Mission Names For The Ensuing X-Rated Film
Most photos by NASA

8. LADEE: NASA claims it stands for "Lunar Atmosphere and Dust Environment Explorer," but add an exclamation point and an enticing DVD cover and you've got yourself a porn hit.

7. CINDI: Supposedly "Coupled Ion Neutral Dynamic Investigation," you can't tell us this isn't the perfect stripper/porn name. And yes, we know the girls on the pole are not porn actresses, just single moms working on their master's.

Not convinced CINDI's a porn winner? Look at what NASA's sending out to kids as part of CINDI's "Education and Public Outreach":

Think of the children!!
Think of the children!!

Not to mention that we have no idea what the phallic object is that's being held by this woman, who most definitely is NOT a porn actress:

It's for massaging my neck, dammit!
It's for massaging my neck, dammit!

 

goesngh.JPG

6. GOES-N: What? Something "goes in"? We can't imagine what it could be, but we'll stick around to see.

JFK, just being honest
JFK, just being honest

5. GEOTAIL: Man, it is widely known, will go to any lengths to chase tail. (Obscure historical note: Most people think John Kennedy said at Rice, "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

He actually said, "We choose to go after these women in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because I am hard.")

Unfortunately, not Ella Fitzgerald's type of scat
Unfortunately, not Ella Fitzgerald's type of scat

4. SCAT: Whatever you do, don't read the Urban Dictionary's definition of "scat." (It's nowhere near NASA's take on the term.) Just know that the world of porn takes in many, many dark alleys where you wish you hadn't gone.

 

Coco Brown: Porn Star Will Blast Into Space, And We Find NASA Mission Names For The Ensuing X-Rated Film

3. CHIPS: "Cosmic Hot"? Drop the "Interstellar Plasma Spectrometer" verbiage, boys, and you've got Coco Brown nailed, much like she will be in the movie.

The poster will have to be tweaked, of course.
The poster will have to be tweaked, of course.

2. Deep Impact: Forget about a probe plowing into comet Tempel 1. Oh, there will be probing -- not to mention plowing -- but the only comet involved will be the stuff cleaning up stains after the kitchen scene.

Somewhat related to SCAT
Somewhat related to SCAT

1. GOES-P: Another walk down a porn alleyway, this one involving what's euphemistically referred to as "water sports." Here's a NSFW page that digs deep into the phenomenon of drinking and spraying urine as part of your sex play. How zero gravity will affect all that is an intriguing question that Coco just might attempt to research.

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