Comcast Independence Day For Tunnel Mole
Even as Armegeddon bears down on us in all its fearsome fury (at least according to the TV newspeople), I, Tunnel Mole, have discovered this day a cause of happiness.
It appears entirely possible that I will be able to cast off the rusted, foetid chains of that most evil of monsters. I speak, of course, of Comcast.
Herewith my declaration of Comcast independence dated August 4, 2008:
Let this day be known henceforth as a day of wonders. Firstly, I happily tooketh a solicitor’s telephone call and pleaded for them to call me back after the standard 18-hour worketh day ends tomorrow, in order to take their generous offer under advisement – and meant it.
You would have too, despiteth it being from an entity once known for its monopolistic might, an entity which now -- crazily, mystically -- seems to be embracing capitalism...and actually offering a more efficient product at a competitive price!
I talketh about the legendary U-verse, heralded far and wide by AT&T -- but not fast enough in H-town, as far as we’re concerned -- as an alternative to Comcast services, sans anal penetration!! None!! (Unless you are intoeth that sort of thingeth, not that there’s anything wrongeth with that.)
As the floodwaters wash in and fucketh up ALL my connections to the outside world, I will nonetheless smile, relieved I have done my part to smite the mighty Comcastic beast. All the years of paying for the business tiereth which Comcast repeatedly sneereth at and breachedeth anyway.
I beg your forgiveness, as I break an old vow and form a new one. ***Will anyone take up the sword with me against this tyranny???
***Oops; despiteth the FCC’s ruling last week against Comcast NOT to do so to its customers’ missives, they may very well be monitoring and deleting this message anyway.
-- Tunnel Mole
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.