It's NFL season, which means some of us are getting back in front of the television set again after an extended break.
It almost means a slew of new TV ads, and between those two aspects it means some football fans are being exposed to the latest and not-so-greatest in boob-tube commercials.
How grim has it been so far? Here are five of the worst.
And Journey moments are the best of all, because for most of us a "Journey moment" encompasses the amount of time it took to hit the radio preset button whenever a Journey song came on, and that was something that could be measured in nanoseconds.
Best part of this is that 30 years on, Tough Guy has to somehow hide the fact from his wife that the concert in question was "crawling with chicks," although maybe he's ducking from the use of archaic language rather than the fact he might have met other women previous to getting married.
We've tried to imagine products that are the least likely to spawn a perky, allegedly catchy commercial jingle, and a blood-sugar tester never even entered our mind.
Obviously, it should have.
"The Acc-Chek nano, you light up the day...No coding for me -- hey, hey, hey, hey, HEYYY!!!"
As it turns out, we are in the midst of having to use a similar product, for non-diabetes-related purposes. If there's one thing we're feeling as we prick our finger, it's goddamn perky.
3. NFL Network Bearded Guy Woe be to viewers when a staid old organization like the NFL decides to hip itself up. Sometimes it works, as with picking semi-obscure but solid songs, but when they decide the route to relevance is wacky comedy: oy.
This bearded Will Ferrell-wannabe must have tested well somewhere in Frat Land, because he's out there aggressively trying to convince us that the whole set-up is crazy-ass funny and if you don't agree, the trouble is you just not hip enough for the all the meta getting thrown down in this Funny or Die room.
Or, on the other hand, there is the distinct possibility that these ads just suck. We're going with b).
Another ad where the pitch to corporate about why this ad makes sense was probably a hell of a lot more entertaining than the actual ad, which makes up for its complete lack of sanity by dragging on forever as it builds to its inutterably lame point.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
We only hope this ad runs in local markets right after a spot for Eddie Money's upcoming gig at some riverboat casino.
"Hmmmm, maybe so," you might think during the first ad, as it plays hits from his heyday.
"Oh, hell NO," you might say, after watching and listening to this painful effort.