Yes, it's Cyber Monday again. What's that? You don't know what Cyber Monday is? You're reading this on your computer right now, aren't you, and you still don't know? Have you ever heard of Amazon? No, not the jungle. Okay, I can see this is going to take a moment to help you through the ins and outs of what this day means to you.
So, sit back and relax and I'll tell you a tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme. Sorry, that's Beauty and the Beast. This is a tale as old as, well, whatever you can think of that is seven years old, because the whole thing started in 2005. See, you learned something already.
Let's start with some basic premises. You do shop for Christmas? I mean, you're not some anti-commercialism commie or a believer in some religion that hates Jesus or living in a tribe in the heart of Africa? I'm going to assume that you aren't for the purposes of this post. If you are one of those things, you can stop reading or learn something and convert to beautiful capitalism.
Around this time of year, you probably buy gifts for your family and friends as part of the whole Christmas celebration. Maybe you start your gift buying earlier, picking up oddities at weird craft festivals throughout the year, like that yarn creature you gave your nephew last year. He fed it to his dog, by the way. Then again, maybe you like to buy gifts at the last minute, shopping at the drugstore on Christmas Eve. That's sad, man.
You may also be a person who gets up at 3 a.m. on the Friday after Thanksgiving (i.e., Black Friday) to get every deal you can on every kind of electronic you'll never need but feel a desperate desire to get thanks to the Bible-thick ad section of your weekly newspaper.
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And let's talk about Black Friday for a moment. What is the deal with that anyway? Why hasn't the computer killed it? I mean, would you rather be sleeping off a tryptophan-induced coma in the comfort of your bed or camping out on the concrete in front of Best Buy?
Well, my friend, your prospects for future sleep-filled days after Thanksgiving have improved dramatically thanks to Cyber Monday, that day of the year when Internet retailers roll out the red (hex value #660000 -- nerds rule!) carpet of pixels for you and other online purchasers. No more lines. No more early rising. No more lame craft fairs!
Just hop over to CyberMonday.com or one of a million other online retailers and partake in the great deals like a mother board or a 7200 rpm hard drive or something boring like books -- unless they are books about computers! For example, did you know you could get 50 percent off McAfee Total Protection 2013, and, no, that does not include a bath salts-crazed John McAfee offering you protection with a shotgun and a bevy of Mexican prostitutes (unless you're into that sort of thing).
Anyway, you can see the advantages, right? It's a full-on nerdstravaganza and not just for the geeks in your life, though they certainly would love it if you got them something from their wish list. Just sayin'.