The gubernatorial primaries in Texas have featured one outrageous statement after other -- Texas should secede, 9/11 was an inside job, Kay Bailey Hutchison knew what she was getting into -- but we have a new contender for top prize.
Democratic candidate Farouk Shami met with the Houston Chronicle editorial board today, and he informed them that his hair-care company is about to come out with a hair-dryer that can reverse baldness.
Shami said -- while, we can only imagine, his political aides thanked the Lord that at least their checks were still clearing as the race was being pissed away -- that a "former NASA scientist" who works for him had come up with the technology.
It essentially involves infrared rays, but the bottom line is that if you have at least some follicles this gizmo will make you look like Fabio in no time.
Oh, and he no doubt said something about taxes, education, blah, blah, blah.
The Chron's politics blog quoted him:
"When someone's on the space shuttle and they get a cut, they don't heal," he said. "When someone's on a submarine and they get a cut they don't heal. NASA found that if you use near-infrared -- you know, light, infrared? -- infrared can heal a cut. Near-infrared can grow small veins, carrying blood suppy and oxygen. And if you have a small cut and you're exposed to infrared, you will heal in 40 to 50 percent of the time. . . . If you can grow veins on the hand for a cut, think about it for the hair."
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Alas, he said, it wouldn't work on Bill White, who doesn't have enough follicles.
It's possible, of course, that (contrary to what most will no doubt think) -- Shami did not further marginalize himself as a nutty, fringe candidate. Maybe instead he boldly shifted the focus of the Democratic primary to totally different ground: Who can best help middle-aged men regain their mojo?
In which case, we believe, Bill White has only one choice. And we're sure we'll be seeing him donning the red suit and beard before long: