Donald Trump, Bible-Hoarder: The "Very Nice" Places He Keeps Them
People just keep giving him Bibles.
I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but does anyone else think that Donald Trump's "presidential campaign" is nothing more than a clever ruse to publicize his television show, NBC's Celebrity Apprentice? I know, I sound like a crazed nut right now with tinfoil on my head and a case of shotgun shells in my lap, but I can't be alone in thinking that.
Trump was recently interviewed by the Christian Broadcasting Network, which is like the real-life Fox News Network in scope, about his presidential intentions. CBN's news department is cool because they actually say what Fox News' writing team only hints and wishes they could say. God really does hate us all and is punishing us because the president is a black.
Mr. Trump claims in the interview that he gets sent tons of Bibles from fans, for what reason I can't rightfully fathom. When asked about where he keeps the Bibles, which you can't just burn in a sinful fire while unclean women dance nude under the moonlight like we do at our house, he claims that "we keep them at a certain place. A very nice place."
But where oh where would Trump keep them holy books? Well...
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Federal Judge Vacates Tom Brady's 4 Game Suspension For Deflate-Gate
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 2:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 6:00pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:00pm
- Is it Legal For Border Patrol Agents to Shoot and Kill Unarmed Mexican Kids—So Long as...
- Sam Houston State Student Arrested On 4-Year-Old Charge After Stupid Tweet About...