Lufkin's Douglas Paul McCoy seems hell-bent on setting the record for most appearances in Hair Balls crime stories. Late last week, he made an appearance in Angelina County Court that would have astounded even Doug Supernaw, up until now the undisputed superlative hero of Texas courtroom antics.
According to The Lufkin Daily News's crime reporter Jessica Cooley, McCoy appeared in court with a feather earring in his left ear and with his face adorned with red, white and blue "warpaint." The fair-skinned, ginger-haired 48-year-old alleged K-2 fan let it be known to the court that he was no longer to be referred to by his "white man's name," but instead would rather be called by his Indian name: "Pas Doctor Geronimo."
According to Cooley, one of PDG's fellow inmates stood and bowed in silent appreciation of this noted warrior's grandeur and prestige when his attorney announced the name change. (Other defendants snickered, Cooley reported. Some people just don't know when greatness is before them.)
McCoy's warpath to that appearance is long and tangled.
It began back in August, when police found McCoy, allegedly in a synthetic marijuana haze, staggering by the roadside in 100-degree afternoon heat. When they asked him if he was okay, McCoy reportedly responded by stripping bare-butt naked and telling the cops he would take their guns. Despite his "not having much to grab hold of," police were able to wrestle him into the back of their car, and he was taken to jail, as John Prine would have it, "naked as the eyes of a clown."
Charged only with disorderly conduct and public intoxication, McCoy bonded out the next morning, and when he saw one of his arresting officers near the jail, things got serious. As we put it last year:
Minutes after walking out into the downtown Lufkin heat, McCoy spotted [deputy Bryan] Holley in front of the sheriff's office and made a "bee-line" for him. McCoy angrily demanded that the lawman return the two little bags of fake-but-potent weed that had been seized the day before.
Holley told McCoy that there was a federal ban on K-2 and that his stash had been entered into evidence.
"That's when he said he was going to kick my ass and come after me," Holley told KTRE. "I told him, 'No, you're not,' and that he was under arrest for retaliation."
Which is a third-degree felony, and was the reason Pas Doctor Geronimo was in the white man's court last week.
But wait, there's more. Early last month, on the eve of another court date, Pas Doctor Geronimo was found to have pitched a tent on the courthouse grounds, in which he planned to pass the night under the Texas stars, as his alleged ancestors had done. Or maybe he was living out Tim McGraw's "Indian Outlaw":
You can find me in my wigwam I'll be beatin' on my tom-tom Pull out the pipe and smoke you some Hey and pass it around:
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When several cops and a judge ordered McCoy to strike his tent, he cussed them out and told them that he had forgotten his white man's name and was in fact a Cherokee Indian named "Geronimo," which along with his fragile mental state, also displays a singular ignorance of Native American history.
At any rate, that caper netted the grown-up Beavis lookalike more charges: disorderly conduct, failure to identify and criminal trespass.
District Judge Paul White has set a July 16 trial date for the retaliation rap and has told McCoy / Pas Doctor Geronimo that "he better show up no matter what name he operates under."
Expect the fireworks to be brighter and louder than those of the Fourth.