Drink Up, Texas


Drink Up, Texas
Sunday liquor sales to close budget gap

By Richard Connelly

The conservative-dominated Texas House has come out with its plan on how to close the state's massive budget gap, and it's not just full of silly stuff like "make state employees pay for parking."

Although that is part of the plan.

No, the conservatives who decry every sin someone else commits have a bold proposal: Open up Texas liquor stores on Sunday.

And then encourage residents to drink their asses off so tax revenue will rise, we guess.

Opening liquor stores on Sunday will not only have the benefit of creating more drunk Texans, it will funnel $7.4 million in taxes to the state government.

And that's $7.4 million using current estimates of liquor sales. Imagine if the Texans have another Kubiak Special of a season — fans are going to need a whole lot of vodka and Jameson's to erase the memories each week.

And now doing so will help Texas! And conservatives!

Texas, by the way, is one of only 14 states that do not allow liquor stores to be open on Sundays.


ID Thief Poses for Sam's Club Card

By Richard Connelly

You've ripped off someone's credit cards, gone on a $2,000 spree at various suburban stores and the cops still haven't caught you. Help 'em out!

That was apparently the thinking of one woman, who in the course of using a stolen credit card got so swept up in the giant olive jars at Sam's (we guess) that she dutifully posed for a photo to get her membership card.

We hope she enjoys her four-pound bottles of ketchup, because now police have a nice picture of her to pass around.

Her next move, we imagine: Using that stolen credit card to go wild at Glamour Shots.

The suspect is described as a black female, 30-40 years of age, 5-foot-7 to 5-foot-9 and weighing 160-170 pounds. She is said to look like she does in the friggin' picture she had taken.


NEW METRO's New Face

By Richard Connelly

Metro has a new public face: Jerome Gray, the longtime anchor for KHOU and KPRC news.

Gray's contract with KPRC was not renewed last year, possibly because he is no longer 26 years old and perky, if he ever was.

He'll be a VP and "senior press officer" for the transit agency.

"We're excited that Jerome will be leading our press office, lending his expertise as we continue to improve the reputation of the NEW METRO as an agency that is open and transparent," Metro CEO George Greanias said in a statement that continued to attempt to draw a distinction between the NEW METRO and that nasty old Metro. "Jerome understands that to achieve our strategic priority of becoming a trusted community partner, we have to work hand-in-hand with the media and be responsive to the needs and concerns of this community."

And Gray is fully on the NEW METRO wagon! (We wish we had some kind of glorious font to better represent NEW METRO.)

"I am thrilled to be joining the NEW METRO team," Gray said. "It's a great opportunity to help share the story of what's happening at the authority and how it benefits the community. I look forward to working with the media to convey accurate information regarding transportation issues and the NEW METRO."

Gray was on the air at the two stations for more than 20 years, mostly at KHOU. He'll get a salary of $170,000 from Metro, spokeswoman Margaret O'Brien-Molina tells Hair Balls. George Smalley, who had been VP for communications and marketing and led Metro's PR efforts for years, left the agency January 3.

DOING IT DAILY There’s tons of stuff each day on the Houston Press blogs; you’re only getting a taste of it here in the print edition. Head to blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs (or “/rocks” or “/eating” or “/artattack”).

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