Drinking Pepsi Means You Support Gay Orgies, Totally Reasonable Texan Asserts
Is Pepsi in bed with the gays? That's what former Texas Republican Party Treasurer and General Counsel Gina Parker Ford believes. Hair Balls knows this because Ford sent us a commentary detailing her outrage over a recent episode of Family Guy that "promote[d] homosexuality, gay orgies and also slander[ed] Christianity." Also, apropos of nothing, Ford makes sure to include the line "The Griffin family's dog, Brian, made critical and derisive statements about the Bush administration."
Ford, who runs a dental manufacturing company, wants you to "let your voice be heard" by boycotting products owned by Pepsi, including Frito-Gay, Quaker Gay Oats, and Gaytorade.
The former chairman of the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation told Hair Balls that she doesn't hate homosexuals, she just believes they're breaking God's law and may spend eternity in the flames of hell.
"I know what's in my own heart, and in my own heart...I don't hate someone who's a homosexual," Ford said. In fact, she's such a non-hater that she supports Exodus International, a fundamentalist Christian organization that non-hates gays so much that it tries to cure them! (Exodus, by the way, was founded by a non-gay who was so not gay that he actually got caught at a gay bar doing gay things with other gays, which is like the most non-gay thing in the history of non-gayness).
But let's look at what else Ford wrote:
"By promoting this filth, Pepsi is placing its seal of approval on such deplorable programming that promotes homosexuality and slanders Christianity. There is no excuse for advertising during this kind of programming. American businesses need to be urged to support family friendly programming, entertainment that encourages moral behavior, respect for others, and respect for religious freedom."
Amen, Sister Ford! If there's one thing Hair Balls detests, it's when people disrespect us by not believing in the same things we believe in. That's just so gay.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.