Nueces County Jail Dwayne Porter: Pinched walking out of H-E-B.
And now there's Corpus Christi's Dwayne Porter. Police there say that employees of an H-E-B watched as the 53-year-old attempted to leave the store without paying for the lobster tail that was, rather unfortunately for Porter's dinner plans, protruding from his pants.
And that was not all he had down there, lurking in the depths of his britches.
Once police arrived, a seafood counter worker told police that he had prepared Porter a bag of fresh shrimp, and, on searching, cops found those little boogers in Porter's drawers, too. (Fortunately, there were no crabs.)
Porter subsequently told police he was hungry and couldn't afford the expensive delicacies he yearned for, so he tried to swipe them. Total value of this utterly shellfish thief's catch of the day that got away: $57.91.
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Since the lobster tail likely cost $15 or less, that must have been a big ol' bag of shrimp. Maybe he had a date.
H-E-B employees "disposed of" the funky seafood.