Eight Businesses We Expect Will Be Getting Custom Texas License Plates Soon
We recently wrote about a new crop of Texas license plates with a variety of themes, most of them sports related. One of the designs, however, was for the Texas Roadhouse restaurant chain that isn't even based in the Lone Star State. We certainly understand the passion of a sports fan, but we couldn't figure who would love Texas Roadhouse so much they would pony up extra cash to slap a themed plate on their bumper.
But, since they did it, we figured there are quite a few more businesses that could benefit from this kind of advertising and probably will take advantage. Not only would it make for good brand visibility, but, with a little customization, drivers could help by providing messages to enhance the company's reputation. You're welcome, corporate America.
Artwork by Monica Fuentes.
8. The Longhorn Network
Sure, it almost certainly spells the inevitable destruction of the Big 12 and the complication of a rivalry with Texas A&M that has lasted nearly 100 years. Yes, it may have been the first domino to fall in a massive reshuffling of college football as we know it. Of course it has a limited audience and still no major cable distribution partners. But, when asked how they sleep at night, UT officials would probably respond like Simpsons action movie hero Rainier Wolfcastle when he was asked a similar question: "On top of a big pile of money with many beautiful ladies." Well, they need to promote this new venture and license plates may be their only option.
7. British Petroleum
The public relations mess created by BP when it dumped hundreds of thousands of barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico was only slightly smaller than the mess made from the actual spill. CEO Tony Hayward didn't help with numerous on-the-record gaffes such as telling the Today show, "There's no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back." But, BP can get back on the road to recovery fast with a fashionable license plate. We're certain Exxon would not still be the butt of so many jokes if it had a plate after Valdez.
Perhaps no retailer has capitalized on giant warehouses filled with cheap, assemble-it-yourself merchandise from Sweden more than Ikea. On second thought, it is the ONLY giant warehouse store filled with cheap, assemble-it-youself merchandise from Sweden. But, just because Ikea has the market cornered doesn't mean it can't give customers a chance to sport its logo with pride. One umlaut or slashed o per vehicle, please.
Speaking of big box retailers, there is no bigger purveyor of cheap disposables or destroyer of mom-and-pop establishments than Walmart, which makes it an easy target for capitalism-hating lib-o-crats. Walmart could help you tell those commie-loving, class-warfare mongers they can shove it right up their Prius's exhaust pipes with a classy themed license plate. Slap one on the back of your beat up truck alongside the "You can pry my gun from my cold dead hands" bumper sticker and you've got yourself one fine statement there, fella.
4. Brown Hand Center
Dr. Michael Brown has suffered some devastating setbacks over the past few years. He pled no contest to assaulting one previous wife, was accused of assaulting his currently estranged wife and assaulted television viewers with his extremely creepy commercials featuring his bountiful progeny. This has made it tough for Doc Brown to promote his business and see patients. Well, technically, he can't see patients in Texas since he had his license revoked, but you get the idea. We recommend a stylish and professional license plate theme to boost his image. When she's old enough, maybe "daddy's little girl" will even get one.
As ubiquitous as the golden arches and their incessantly catchy ad jingles may be, McDonald's sometimes gets a bad rap for selling fatty food that isn't as reasonably priced as some may think. With the number of obese people in America skyrocketing, the fast-food giant needs to do something to beef up its flagging image and it ain't the McSalad. Imagine a beautiful McDonald's license plate on the back of an SUV carrying a morbidly obese couple and their overweight kids. With no one able to see past the tinted windows, it's a win win for Mickey D's.
If you like football, and we do, you've seen your share of Viagra commercials. Whether it is the guy throwing a football through a tire swing (subtle) before banging his hot young wife in a swath of flowing linen curtains, or a bunch of gradually graying middle-aged dudes playing some down-home blues rock in an old shack on the edge of town (nothing says manly like a National Dobro), Pfizer thinks it knows how best to reach its impotent customers. But what if it had a beautiful Texas license plate its manly clients could bolt to the back of a Ford Dually? Now, that's a rock-hard penis mobile!
Speaking of erections, one of America's most well known, not-quite-a-strip-club, restaurant chains, Hooters, provides stimulation to millions of red-blooded American men with its chicken wings and hot chick waitresses. You would think a company like this wouldn't need anything more than women with prodigious assets in tank tops and short shorts to get drooling men in off the street. But, walking the line between competing with strippers and sports bars is complicated. What it needs is the Hooters name on every mid-life-crisis muscle car and blue-collar work truck in Texas, and there is no better way to do that than with a license plate. Now, that's hot.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Top 10 Super Bowl One-Hit Wonders (w/ VIDEO)
Sun., Feb. 7, 7:00pm
Wed., Feb. 10, 6:00pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 2:00pm
Wed., Feb. 17, 7:00pm
- Sheriff Hickman Shoots the Messenger, Pushes Back on Chron Jail Series
- Super Bowl 50: Five Best Prop Bets And Prediction