Elaborate Ocean's 11-Style East Texas Bank Heist Nets $70

A crew of East Texas bank raiders could use a good freshening-up on the concept of costs vs. benefits.

If this report from KTRE is any indication, the unknown suspects who raided the town of Cushing's Texas Bank & Trust apparently planned their heist extensively, expending untold hours plotting out the destruction of the bank's connection to the town's electrical grid. They also managed to sever the bank's phone lines, and pried open the back door without setting off any alarms.

The crew had the run of the joint for quite a while. Authorities believe they were in the bank by just after midnight on December 29, and no one was any the wiser until the first employee rolled up about seven hours later.

So what riches did this fiendishly clever band of Nacogdoches County ne'er-do-wells manage to haul off into the Piney Woods night? How close are they to funding a life of ease in some Caribbean hideaway?

Not very. Not very close at all. Bank officials told KTRE that these brigands managed only to steal $70.

In change. That's right. Seven rolls of quarters.

Apparently they neglected to take into account the fact that banks don't leave the bulk of their cash deposits lying around in those fat sacks with the dollar-signs on the side. Or maybe the safecracker in this crew forgot to bring the nitro. At any rate, they risked years in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison and got only enough loot to fund a week-long McDonald's Wendy's Taco Bell Chester Fried Chicken bender.

Bank officials estimate damage to the building at $2,500.

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