Fan Fighting League! Raiders vs 49ers, Super Bowl of Thuggery
This week's dust-up between jersey-clad troglodytes
I've been to a San Francisco 49ers home game. I've also been to an Oakland Raiders home game. In fact, I am the rare individual who has been to see both in the same night.
Last season, the Texans played the 49ers in San Francisco in a Sunday night game that was best known for being the final leg of the Matt Schaub Pick Six World Tour, a 34-3 drubbing of the Texans. That same night, three hours later, the Raiders were playing San Diego in Oakland.
My girlfriend, Amy, and I left the Texans-49ers game in the third quarter (the score was 27-3 at the time), took the BART train over to Oakland and managed to buy tickets outside the stadium just as the game was starting.
As NFL venues go, there aren't two considered more dicey and dangerous than San Francisco and Oakland. Both games feel like a football game was dropped into a scene in Dangerous Minds. Visiting both of them in the same evening was intense, like a real life version of 24, where Jack Bauer is having to overcome a set of terrorists before noon and then dismantle a nuclear bomb before dinnertime.
Houston Texans vs. Cleveland Browns
TicketsSun., Oct. 15, 12:00pm
TicketsSat., Oct. 21, 7:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
TicketsSun., Nov. 5, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
As for the fans, no big surprise that the 49er fans have been frequent participants in my Fan Fighting League series on YouTube, and the dearth of Raider fan videos in the series supports my overriding observation from that doubleheader of games -- 49ers fans were far more rude and belligerent than Raiders fans.
Don't get me wrong, Raider Fan isn't someone you'd want doing your taxes, but compared to the Niner Fan, Raider Fan is a docile next-door neighbor. Amazingly, we haven't had a FFL video involving Raider Fan and Niner Fan....until now!
From this past Sunday's game in Oakland, a 24-13 Raider upset, here is a decent little dust up between several jersey-clad troglodytes:
You know what comes now....Zapruder time!
0:01 -- The very first glimpse has a dude with corn rows in a Ronnie Lott jersey and some Raider fan in a Kenny Stabler jersey, which means that this footage could have taken place very easily in 1981 (assuming iPhones existed). Stabler is molly whomping somebody on the ground on the row in front of them.
0:07 -- In what appears to be a convention of the most random Raider jerseys of all time, some kid in a Lamarr Woodley jersey gets tossed onto his back while some dude in a windbreaker gets tossed off screen. Woodley and Windbreaker Guy make their way back up the steps and appear to be friends with the victim, who as he rises from the rubble, you can see is wearing a Colin Kaepernick jersey.
0:11 -- Earlier this week, there was a report that a cross section of NFL personnel people would rather have Derek Carr as their quarterback than Colin Kaepernick. What's about to happen in this video is a metaphor for what the league currently thanks of Colin Kaepernick. Here we go....
0:24 -- BAM! Sucker punch on Kaepernick from an obese Raider fan who appears to be wearing a mesh trucker baseball cap. (At about 350 pounds, there is no doubt that Raider Fan is winded after this one punch.)
0:25 -- Woodley and Windbreaker go tumbling stage left again. Been a rough ten seconds for those two considering their main offense appears to be the crime of "innocently standing there."
0:26 -- Kaepernick retaliates by slapping Fat Raider Fan's beer into a giant liquid firework, which is NOT a proportional response! That beer is FAR more valuable than Kaepernick Jersey Guy's face.
0:27 -- Incensed, Fat Raider Fan chases Kaepernick Jersey down the steps, and rightfully so. That was a full goddamn beer, which at a sporting event is probably a couple of days pay for FRF. Get him, FRF! GET HIM!!
0:34 -- Fat Raider Fan gabs Kapernick Jersey and drags him back toward the steps like it's a lumberjack match, and he's feeding Kaep Jersey to a set of heel lumberjacks to go to work on him group-pummel style.
0:35 -- In a strange metaphor, a dude in a Joe Montana jersey tries to come up the stairs presumably to help Kapernick and is cut off by Kenny Stabler Jersey Guy, which is like Obi Wan trying to help Luke and getting cut off by Darth Vader (if Darth Vader were carrying a switchblade instead of a light saber).
0:45 -- In comes a brigade of law enforcement who appear to have stepped straight out of 1977 with the style of hats that they're wearing. They surround and apprehend Kaepernick Jersey Guy, whose list of offenses committed in this video are as follows:
1. Getting pummeled on the ground by a dude in a Kenny Stabler jersey
2. Getting sucker punched in the face by a big, fat Raider fan.
3. Slapping a beer out of the Raiders fan's hand.
4. Getting chased down the steps by Fat Raiders Fan.
5. Being a 49ers fan.
1:10 -- As Kaepernick Jersey Guy is carted off by the police, Fat Raiders Fan walks back up to his seat, where he presumably is asking for an oxygen tank before he passes out from the overabundance of physical activity.
The Raiders sweep the afternoon, winning the game and the fight!
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