In the pantheon of college football rivalries, few have the combination of tradition and bitter hatred of the Red River Shootout between Oklahoma and Texas.
(NOTE: I refuse to call it by the more politically correct Red River Rivalry, as if somehow including the word Shootout means that the irresponsible usage of guns is somehow being endorsed and encouraged by those associated with this game.)
With the State Fair as the backdrop, the Sooners and the Longhorns square off every season (usually with a way-too-early-for-most kickoff time before noon) and, more often than not, this game has some sort of impact on the national title race. For many seasons, the big-picture implications applied to both teams, but this season only Oklahoma is relevant on the national front.
Texas is clearly in rebuilding mode, and when one team has such a clear advantage over the other, it can lead to emotions boiling over. And no, I'm not talking about the players on the field. I'm talking about the frat bro douche-sters in the parking lot.
For the next Fan Fighting League installment, let's head to Dallas this past weekend where feelings were hurt and blows were exchanged...
And as usual, we Zapruder the footage. Let's go....
0:00 -- Before we get started, we take note of the vertical filming method, which is the bane of the existence of viral fan fighting videos, like watching the whole thing with a patch over one eye. Come on, people. Get it together.
0:01 -- This particular brouhaha is taking place in an open parking lot, which officially makes it a "rumble," since it appears to be happening at a previously agreed to venue, as opposed to the spontaneity of a fight in the stands or in the bathroom.
0:02 -- I don't know what the trigger event was, but rest assured Vince Young's Wonderlic score has something to do with this. Some random, flailing swings by these turds, and the early top play is the guy in the white shirt and khaki shorts getting thrown to the ground by some OU dude and then doing a backwards semi-somersault to try and regain his feet.
0:07 -- Meanwhile, heavy swinging going on in the background by the OU brigade, no doubt exacerbated by the Longhorn faithful cracking jokes about the Gary Gibbs Era.
0:12 -- Wisely, one of the OU guys walks out in the middle of the fight and casually places his hood on his head. This is the one person in this video that realizes that future employers scour everything these days. Well played, son. Don't let the haters get to you on the ride home when they tell you that you're a wussy.
0:18 -- A lot of one girl screaming, and an OU dude getting tossed to the ground. On an unrelated note, is this the closest the cameraman could get to the action? Not only do I feel blindfolded, I feel like I'm watching from Section 632.
0:22 -- An ample young woman with a physique than can best be described as a "more compact Yokozuna" is trying to break things up. It's not really working so well. Meanwhile watch far right side of the crowd for a horrific sucker punch. I say "horrific" not only because it was punk ass as it gets, but also because it was actually a very poorly executed punch. I mean, Longhorn Dude gets right up afterward.
0:27 -- A honking noise in the background telegraphs what happens next as....
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
0:32 -- ....another bus comes in and unfortunately misses plowing over all of these frat bro chodes like a Zamboni resurfacing the ice.
Overall, it's hard to gauge a winner in all of this. I like to think that they all put down their swords and decided to split a huge tray of fried Oreos. Because State Fair.
(h/t The Big Lead)