Five Best Sexy-Time Moments Of Campaign 2010 (And "Best" Can Just Mean "Weird")
Dear Gawd, there are only four more days left in this hellspawn of an election year. Although we're sure the recounts and voter-fraud investigations will go on forever, most of the activity will be over.
There's been a lot to hate about Campaign 2010; there's been some things to like. And then there's all the sex stuff.
A crazy election season brings it with craziness in the bedroom, too. Among the Five Sexy-Time Moments from this year's campaign trail:
5. Nikki Haley apparently likes the talkers
A gentlemen never speaks of the women he beds, as a rule. So either South Carolina gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley likes to have affairs with non-gentlemen, or dudes in SC love to make up shit about gubernatorial candidates.
Rice Owls Football vs. Southern Miss
TicketsSat., Nov. 11, 2:30pm
Houston Texans vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Nov. 19, 12:00pm
Rice Owls Football vs. North Texas
TicketsSat., Nov. 25, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. San Francisco 49ers
TicketsSun., Dec. 10, 12:00pm
Houston Texans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
TicketsMon., Dec. 25, 3:30pm
Two guys have come forward to brag about having sex with Haley -- a political blogger and a worker for a rival campaign. She denied the allegations, because who would admit to sleeping with a political blogger?
4. Krystal Ball, dominatrix
One sure way to make sure your husband becomes an ex-husband -- make him dress up with a dildo nose while you lead him around on a dog chain at a Halloween party.
Oh, and be sure there are pictures taken, because you never know when you're going to want to run for Congress or something like that.
3. Well, it's not like she looks crazy
This one technically doesn't involve an electoral race, but it does involve a politician who campaigns heavily on family-values stuff and is free with the judging-of-others routine. Maricopa County Supervisor Fulton Brock -- we guess he's like a county commissioner, and we know the county involved is the one that gives us a-hole Sheriff Joe Arpaio -- learned about glass houses when it was revealed that his wife Susan, 48, had an ongoing affair with a kid that started when the boy was 14.
As out sister paper Phoenix New Times reports, court documents show 30 sexual encounters with the kid, including "at least three vibrating massagers to stimulate his penis to the point of ejaculation on numerous occasions."
Fulton Brock's official statement: "You think you know someone after 28 years [of marriage], and I need answers as much as police officers do." Like "How come she never tried that vibrator thing with me?"
2. Dancing Barney Frank
Because apparently no one --especially people in his Massachusetts district -- know that Barney Frank is gay, his opponent decided to subtly get the point across with an ad that showed a fake Frank dancing under disco balls. We're only surprised it didn't show him in drap with Astroglide dripping out of his ass.
1. Christine O'Donnell's grooming habits
Christine O'Donnell's 15 minutes of fame were expiring nicely whenGawker decided to rev things up again.
They paid "in the low four figures" for some bratty ex-frat boy (see our sister paper theVillage Voice for details
)to write an anonymous account of Halloween three years ago, when a tipsy O'Donnell went to bed with him.
Among the revelations: O'Donnell made it clear there would be no intercourse, and -- wait for it -- "When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by. Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest."
Oh, brocephus, you're a charmer.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Houston, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.