Five Reasons the Mars Rover Drew a Huge, Throbbing Penis in the Martian Dirt
Photo by NASA
The sharp-eyed folks at Reddit noticed something odd in a batch of pictures from the Mars Rover. Namely, a penis. The Rover drew a huge freaking penis on the surface of Mars.
But let's assume it's valid and new. Why would the Rover draw a big dick? We offer five theories:
5. It's lonely at the top. There are two Rovers -- Spirit and Opportunity. But Spirit went out of commission in 2011, having performed long past its expected use. The two probes were sent to far different parts of Mars, so Opportunity can't even visit its dead colleague's grave.
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
Rice University Owls Football vs. Prairie View A&M University Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 22, 2:30pm
Such loneliness can inspire, in some, the need for man-meat. Opportunity is just posting a "Casual Encounters" ad. Trouble is, we don't know if the probe drew the equipment he desires to play with or, instead, was boasting of the equipment he's got.
4. He's bored. (Forget it -- for grammar reasons, we're assuming Opportunity is a dude. A dick-hunting dude.) Say what you will about Mars, it's not the universe's most enchanting place. You like rocks and dust and dust storms and more rocks? Mars is your place. But if you've been traipsing over it for more than eight years, it can get a little tiresome, we presume.
Thoughts may wander. And since it's spring, a young Rover's fancy turns to etc., etc. etNSFWcetera. Who are we to disapprove?
3. He's immature. Opportunity is nine going on ten, if you count the blastoff as his birthdate. You want maturity out of a nine-year-old? Good luck with that. Just thank the Lord the Opportunity didn't land on Uranus. 2. He's shootinng for stardom on accidentalpenis.com. Well, kid, maybe you got a shot, but you've got competition like this:
Earth can play in this game too, dude.
1. He just wants some dick. Is that so terrible? Face it: Some dudes like dudes. Some dudes like big butts, and you other brothers can't deny. Some dudes give me diamonds, some dudes heart attacks.
The point is, one wants what one wants. And if a lonely, bored solitary Rover dreams of electric dick, then we best get him some. What's another billion or so?
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.