Five Reasons We Must Keep Alive

It seems we've dodged a momentary bullet, readers. After Jeff Balke's recent and scathing take-down, certain of us remain concerned that has generated enough ill-will that it may yet be taken down. We're awaiting word whether or not the site's backers were actually persuaded by Hair Balls's logic -- we know we can toss our weight with the best of 'em -- but, for the time being, we want to reassure you that there are those few dissenting voices that still buttress BangWithFriends' ranks.

That's not to say that we all subscribed to the site's services, but -- like the wooly mammoth or Tower Records before it -- there's something lost when we witness the demise of another beautiful thread of existence. As such, here are five reasons why we need to make sure the site remains for generations to come. It may not be the BangWithFriends we need, but the BangWithFriends we deserve:

5. Because, my God, the convenience: Dating is a pain in the ass. This theme's as rote as it is overwritten, so I'll spare you anecdote and ball-of-flame burnouts. But, still: You already know these people. You know them well enough to have taken the time to look them up on your laptop and smartphone and tablet, and to have let them see all the Humane Society and enchilada photos you've posted. They understand who you are and what you ingest. These are not things you'd need to cover in conversation, in a new meeting. You already have a fair sketch of one another -- no need to shell out for dessert, no need to try to impress with shaving. In and out and on your way.

4. This image:

Five Reasons We Must Keep Alive still hilarious.   3. Because you just never know. There's always the one who got away. Or two. Or half-dozen, all of whom you passed by in the hallway at some point on the way to Spanish, each one of whom had hair that shone like morning dew and smelled of rich grapefruit. Or whatever. Point is, they were there and you were here, and there was no bridge large enough to cross the chasm separating you and her and her and the other one and the one who actually made eye contact that one time.

And, yeah, you're friends on Facebook, but, dude, you were never friends, and hardly ever spoke, but you still scope her out during every high school reunion, and, I mean, she's still single, and, well, yeah, of course you are, but, no, wait, seriously, what if, just, what if all those afternoons you spent in high school and college and work daydreaming about that one day at lunch when the only seat left open was next to her -- what if she was doing the same thing? What if she's doing the same thing right now? What if she's also on BangWithFriends, yeah? And what if -- no, dude, seriously -- what if she's thinking the same thing you are? (And what if the loft above the gym is still open? How long can you stretch a lunch break?)

BangWithFriends: For the High Schooler in All of Us.

2. What else are you going to do on Facebook? FarmVille is only so sexy, Zuckerberg.

1. Because sometimes, according to our generation, sex can lead to love. At least, that's what all my friends who watch Girls tell me.

Keep BangWithFriends going, guys. We need it. We want it. We gotta have it. And just to confirm: I'm not Facebook friends with Jeff Balke, so, no, I'll never know.

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