Five Roles in the Sports World for Game of Thrones' King Joffrey
If he was a little taller, his jumper would be nice.
[SPOILER ALERT] Is it safe to openly discuss the last Game of Thrones episode now?
On Sunday, we finally got the moment that we've all been waiting for -- King Joffrey bit the dust, and thankfully for many of you that wanted him to suffer, suffer he did.
I don't know what the "spoiler" rules are in this day and age of social media and DVR proliferation. Each Monday, we've started doing a Game of Thrones recap segment on my radio show where we assign sports style power rankings to the main stars, and it appears (based on numerous angry text messages to the show) that Monday may be too soon after a Sunday show (although we do give ample warning prior to the segment).
But Joffrey is indeed gone, and he ain't coming back. For what it's worth, and since this is technically a sports blog, here are a few sports roles where it would be acceptable to reprise Joffrey's role:
1. Duke point guard Take Wojo's floor slapping, Chris Collins' annoying screaming, Greg Paulus' flopping, Jon Scheyer's controted facial expressions, and Coach K's snively-ness, add them all up and give them a British accent, and you have Joffrey Baratheon.
2. Weasel heel wrestling manager I see Joffrey the wrestling manager as a modern day "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, and I'm fairly certain he wouldn't even have to trade in his King's outfit. The more annoying, the better. Seriously, if the goal of being a heel is to get people to pay money to see you get your ass kicked, Joffrey would be a first ballot Hall of Famer and singlehandedly revive the economy.
3. European golfer Not only could I see Joffrey in an argyle sweater vest, knickers, and a chapeau, but it's a stone cold lock that he would be ratting out other golfers for rules violations left and right. Lock.
4. Utah Jazz fan Duke point guard's Mormon cousin, constantly whining and bitching, and entitled even though they've never won a damn thing. In short, Joffrey.
5. Skip Bayless Joffrey arguing with Steven A. Smith, I might actually watch that.
By the way, I highly recommend Joffrey's last will and testament from the website "Funny or Die." You will not be disappointed.
Finally, here is a tribute video to the late king, chronicling his most bitchy moments, a visual obituary of sorts. If nothing else, this video reinforces that Joffrey never had one single, solitary scene where he showed even a shred of likability. He was a fucking asshole in literally every scene on the show.
Hey, at least we all knew where we stood with Joffrey. He despised and disdained every other human being ever. And the feeling was quite mutual.
R.I.P. Joffrey Baratheon, 2011-2014
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.