Five Terrible Halloween Handouts That the Desperate Resort to

Happy Halloween, kids!!!
Happy Halloween, kids!!!

We've all been there: settling in at home after a night's work when the doorbell rings and you all of a sudden realize -- oh shit, it's Halloween.

No one wants to disappoint dewy-eyed innocent youngsters excitedly dressed as Disney characters you don't recognize. But there are mistakes to be made in trying to scramble for anything to throw in their waiting bags.

Here are five.

5. Left-over soy sauce packets. Throw `em in quick, hustle back inside, the kids'll never know what hit them. Neither will you, when your house gets egged.

4. Coins. Yeah, thanks pops. A few more quarters and I can take my sweetie to the double feature!!

3. Coupons. You bought the fund-raising "Savings Galore!!" booklet from your co-worker and dammit, you're going to get some use out of it. If the kids don't appreciate "two for the price of one" at Buca di Beppo, fuck `em, the ingrates.

2. Hotel Shampoo. Like the soy sauce, it looks like it might be something great; just be prepared for consequences.

1. Airplane booze bottles. Possible legal fallout, but if you don't get caught you'll be the most popular house next year.

And at the other end of the scale? Caramel apples. Elaborate, be-laced caramel apples that could grace the cover of Martha Stewart Living? Your fellow decorating-obsessed moms may be impressed, kids won't.


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