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Five Things We're Hoping Will Be in Mattress Mac's Biggest Store Ever

GalleryFurnitureUptown.JPG
Photo by WhisperToMe
Mattress Mac, the king of the furniture hustle.
It's been a long time since Mattress Mac first started Gallery Furniture, starting off with $5,000 and making deliveries with his own truck.

The slogan hasn't changed, but a lot of other things have. The main Gallery Furniture store is a labyrinth of a creation with furniture as far as the eye can see, interspersed with displays like Princess Diana's jewels, Elvis' favorite car, random exotic birds and only Jim McIngvale, Mattress Mac himself, can guess what else.

Last week Mac announced plans to open an even bigger Gallery Furniture store out in Fort Bend County, one that will veritably dwarf the showpiece that looms on the side of I-45, that some would call an eyesore and that all can agree has become a Houston icon. Since this store is going to be even bigger (and thus obviously better) than the last one, here are five things things we're hoping Mac will set up and display in it.

5. A recreation of the Alamo. Okay, Gallery Furniture is a store that is about as Texan as a store can get. From the selection of furniture to the general everything-and-the-kitchen sink aesthetic, it feels like a place that could only truly exist in the Lone Star State. With that in mind, Mac should seriously consider a replica of that most Texas of Texan institutions, the Alamo (if he can't swing getting ahold of the real thing, of course.) It would be great. The kids could be dropped off in the Alamo room and while mom and dad shopped for their next entertainment center and a new loveseat, the children will be getting indoctrinated in Texas history. They could even stage reenactments! And give out little Davy Crockett caps with "Gallery Furniture saves you money" printed on the front! (A note to Mac: If this actually happens, please make those hats big enough for larger, more adult-sized heads. We might, you know, know someone that wants one.)

4. The crown jewels. Mac already got one of the last necklaces Princess Diana ever wore and he displayed them in a slightly spooky glass set up (we're remembering that there was an actual Princess Di-like mannequin, but maybe that's something we imagined) for years. However, the Swan Lake Suite was sold a few years back, so it's high time Mac added a little more royal glitz and glamor by getting the public a view of some more highborn jewels. Maybe the actual crown jewels aren't for sale, but we're hoping Mac will try. If anyone can get Queen Elizabeth II to part with them it's Mac. Who wouldn't make the drive to Fort Bend to see those sparkly things?

3. The prow of the Titanic. Okay, we know this might be something of a longshot. People have been talking about raising the Titanic from its watery grave for years. As we all learned in James Cameron's epic, the back end of ship landed at the bottom of the Atlantic with a resounding thud that destroyed most of it, but the front end is in pretty good shape, relatively speaking. So, the plan goes like this: Mac raises the Titanic and he brings it to the showroom and puts it in a very large preservation-of-the-Titanic friendly tank. It would likely be the main attraction and they could put some mannequins dressed like Leo and Kate right there on the deck. We'll bet people will even come from Florida to see that. All the way from Florida!

 

2. An elephant herd. Over the years, as the I-45 store has grown and morphed and expanded, we've seen fish, we've seen larger and ever more tropical birds. There haven't been any dancing bears, but that would be pretty cruel to have in a store that size, so we're not holding the lack of them against anyone. This new store will be even bigger, so maybe Mac can plan for an elephant sanctuary. It will be great. Just off the bedroom sets he can build the African Savannah Room and in said room he can put a whole bunch of elephants. The elephants can live happy and carefree in the space -- of course he'll adopt ones who need good homes -- and we'll get to see elephants along with the furniture shopping. Everybody wins!

1. Mattress Mac, the robot. Mac created the Mattress Mac empire, and he seems to be always watching over it, promising to save you money, watching his salesman like a hawk and handing out free t-shirts with the kind of savvy that made him Mattress Mac in the first place. We know he can't be everywhere, but we admit that part of the fun of going to Gallery Furniture is looking for the man himself. Since he can't be in two places at once, we're thinking a Mattress Mac audio-animatronic version would suffice. He can greet people and then we can all have the fun of spotting him no matter what store we're at. It'll be like the Hall of Presidents in Disney World, only instead of Lincoln, it'll be Mac. (Note to Mac: The audio-animatronic version will have to be able to jump, wear a mattress outfit and always have his pockets stuffed full of cash that he can take out and shake in his fists while jumping. Anything less than this simply won't do.)


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