I think it's sweet that everyone wants to celebrate April 22nd by planting a vegetable garden or limiting their use of Stryofoam or only buying fur coats made from ugly animals, but can we please stop calling it "Earth Day?" Sure, we're able to survive on the planet thanks to an improbable combination of solar positioning and mammalian evolution, but it should be obvious by now that the Earth hates us and wants us all to die. We might as well have a holiday dedicated to Ming the Merciless, or Lex Luthor.
Don't believe me? Fine, ask the dinosaurs, or check out these movies:
5. Volcano (1997)
Most Hollywood disaster movies are wonderfully narcissistic. To wit: would anybody east of I-15 really care if Los Angeles was buried under molten lava (excepting those of you really looking forward to that Norbit sequel, I guess)? The NFL would certainly be unfazed.
4. Poseidon (1996)
Cruise ship passengers are more likely to die of salmonella poisoning or boredom than they are a "rogue wave." Still, if there's any consolation to be had here, it's the knowledge that at least Fergie was among the deceased.
3. The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
As if the idea of Dennis Quaid as a scientist wasn't ridiculous enough, check out the part of this clip where the trained meteorologist responds to a tornado warning by...wait for it...standing in front of a massive plate glass window.
2. The Core (2003)
What's great about this movie isn't the ridiculous Edgar Rice Burroughs premise, but rather the assumption -- made at the time -- that Hilary Swank was somehow above the source material. Such questions aren't brought up so much anymore after The Black Dahila, Freedom Writers, and The Reaping.
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1. When Time Ran Out (1980)
It's the only movie Paul Newman ever "made for the money" (and he used that same money to start his salad-dressing business), and was also the vehicle by which William Holden, Ernest Borgnine, and Red Buttons all voided their contract with disaster maestro Irwin Allen, one of the few who truly comprehended our antagonistic relationship with our home planet. Earth finally got her revenge, as Allen died soon after the film's release.