St. Patrick's Day is more than just an opportunity for amateur drunks to get in fights after drinking since noon, it's also when all of us claim (usually bogus) Irish heritage. I can personally trace my Irish ancestry back to the 17th century. Of course, they were Ulster Huguenots and probably not very beloved of the Blarney-kissing Papists so popularized during March 17th. So in honor of fake and unpopular Irish everywhere, here are some of the worst depictions of Irish characters in cinema:
5. Tom Cruise -- Far and Away (1992) Few of those who saw this (and those numbers were few enough) realize what a masterful advertisement for the Church of Scientology it was. Just watch as innocent young Shannon discovers what an Operating Thetan Level VIII looks like up close.
4. Leonardo DiCaprio -- Gangs of New York (2002)
"Welcome to America!" Leo's actually a good actor, but has never mastered the fine art of not sounding like an American trying to sound like a foreigner (see also Titanic).
3. Richard Gere -- The Jackal (1997)
This may be one of those rare occasions when a Razzie nomination (for Autumn in New York) was actually something of a relief. Luckily, for posterity's sake, we'll always have internet evidence of this noisome performance.
2. Chris O'Donnell -- Circle of Friends (1995)
Come on, the dude has an Irish name. You wouldn't think it'd be all that hard to tap into his ancestral Gaelic-ness and not sound like the Lucky the Leprechaun. Fortunately for O'Donnell, director Joel Schumacher would discover a better outlet for O'Donnell's "talents:" namely, nippled Batsuits.
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1. Orson Welles -- The Lady from Shanghai (1947)
He made what is arguably the greatest movie of all time, yet not even a platinum blonde Rita Hayworth can distract us from the Gallo spokesman's utterly horrific Irish accent.