Friday the 13th: 13 Ways to Say "Eff You" to The Phobia
It's Friday the 13th.
What's good about it: There's not another Friday the 13th movie coming out.
What's bad: Awful things may happen to you, according to tradition, lore and urban legend.
If you're scared of today (and no, we're not going to attempt to look knowledgeable by cutting-and-pasting in the name of the phobia), here are 13 ways to instead embrace the day.
13. Listen to Black Sabbath's debut album, released on a Friday the 13th in 1970.
12. Ladies: Buy a 13-inch dildo (in "caucasian"!! Go team!). Guys, too, if you're into that.
11. Read the 13th book in Sue Grafton's Kinsey Millhone alphabet-mystery series, M is for Mailing It In.
10. Make a pilgrimage to Buffalo to visit the gravesite of Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States.
Did not win any Oscars.
9. Buy a baker's dozen from...wait, does anyone give baker's dozens anymore?
8. Discover there's a movie called 13, featuring the acting skills of 50 Cent and Mickey Rourke looking, for a change, unwashed.
7. Buy a five-dollar footlong and adjust it so the meat hangs out a half inch from each end.
6. Wear your T.J. Yates jersey.
5. Cue up The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators on your iPod.
4. Watch Evan Rachel Wood and Holly Hunter in Thirteen and pray you never have a teenage daughter.
Your little girl's all grown up!
3. Celebrate the career of Randy Johnson, who holds the season record for average strikeouts per game at 13.41, by stroking your Big Unit.
2. Watch Channel 13 Eyewitness News, just to see if Dave Ward's facial muscles move.
1. Stream Boogie Nights. For Dirk Diggler's 13-inch starmaker.
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