Game Time: If You Like The Texans Pick Of Kareem Jackson at #20 GIMME A HELL YEAH...Hey, Who Let All These Crickets In Here?
I would have to say the NFL's taking the first round of its draft and transforming it from hardcore niche sporting event on Saturday afternoons to Must-See TV Thursday night melodrama was a success in its first year. We got plenty of shaking and moving (seven draft night trades involving first round picks), just enough surprise climbers (including our Lord and Savior, The Tebow), and the requisite plummeters (Jimmy Clausen, Taylor Mays...good choice not going to the green room, boys).
As we prepare for Rounds 2 and 3 tonight, allow me to go through scorecard from last night's first round with winners and losers from an intriguing 2010 first round:
WINNER: JIM ROSS. How could a WWE Hall of Fame announcer be a winner in the NFL Draft, you ask? Well, my good friend JR owns a barbecue joint in Norman, OK, a fine establishment that I've had a chance to frequent myself and highly recommend to anyone making a trip to Norman this fall. Three of the first four players taken last night were Oklahoma Sooners, two of them near or above the 300 LB mark. Big signing bonuses mean lots of barbecue sales in Norman. As JR likes to say, "Business is about to pick up!!"
LOSER: ME. And I don't mean that "I'm a loser," like how you call someone a loser because they are a perpetually bumbling fool. I mean, that does apply to me but I'm not referring to it here. What I'm referring to is hosting seven hours of live draft radio yesterday in loud sports bars. I have no voice today. I sound like Vito Corleone if you jammed a roll of sandpaper down his throat and scratched for an hour. Should be a fun show today at 3:00.
WINNER: ROGER GOODELL. It goes without saying that any law-abiding citizen and hater of entitled douchebags has to be thrilled with the Commissioner's stance on player conduct since he took over. But I have to say that I've been lukewarm to skeptical about a few of the other decisions (or rumored considerations) that he has made. The Pro Bowl being moved to the week before the Super Bowl felt silly to me, but I ended up liking it, watching it, and so did many others (ratings were WAY up). I was skeptical about this "draft in prime time" thing, but ended up really enjoying it (now, about that possibility of a Super Bowl in London, we may need to talk, Roger). Above all else, I'm happy for Commissioner Goodell that his apparent BFF, Gerald McCoy of OU, is now in the league! (Check out the hug at about the 2:20 mark.)
LOSER: EMUS. The emu was already battling wicked forces like aborigines and extinction in parts of Australia. Now their one shining hope to actually infiltrate the human world that has so long used them for target practice and nourishment has slipped to the second round. Forget "Notre Dame quarterback position" or "Charlie Weis' reputation as a quarterback guru" or even "Steve Clarkson's creepy child quarterback school" -- the loser in the Clausen Plummet of 2010 is the emu, plain and simple.
WINNER: SEC GUY. If you listen to my show, then you know who Karol Kenton Kogslotter is. Hell, if you clicked on the podcast link to my post yesterday [link the post from yesterday here], then you know who SEC Guy is. He's a diehard Alabama fan, in his late 50's whose only greater undying love than his love for Alabama is his love of the Lord and his love of the Tebow, which may be one and the same to him. Rolando McClain (Alabama LB) went about 5-10 slots earlier than forecasted, Kareem Jackson (Alabama CB and newest Texan) went a round earlier than forecasted, and the Tebow went in the first round! Good day to be a Kogslotter!
LOSER: DEION SANDERS. Just when he thought he was going to get his couch back, the Cowboys move up to pick Dez Bryant. Now with Dez staying right in Prime Time's backyard, he's going to be crashing on Deion's couch all the time, playing video games into the wee hours of the morning, and waking Sanders up at ungodly early hours asking him to make him some waffles. Just bad all the way around.
WINNER: CRACK BABIES IN DENVER. It's never easy being a crack baby, especially come circumcision time. But with the Tebow heading to Denver, underprivileged babies throughout the greater Douglas County area are going to have no problem getting their willies whacked. All that practice of circumcising babies in the Phillipines PLUS presumably having a little spare time because he'll be the backup EQUALS good times for little rugrats in Bronco-land. (Honorable mention winner from The Tebow going 25th overall: TITHING)
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 PM weekdays on the "Sean & John Show", and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.