Deathwatch: He Is Risen
Bob McNair's decision to retain Gary Kubiak -- yes, there's a Hitler video about it -- shakes at the very foundations of belief in a sane, logical universe.
What kind of owner brings back Kubiak? The kind of owner who hires Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator, that's who.
Just think -- back when we first instituted the Gary Kubiak Deathwatch, we forgot to include a setting that said, "Not only is he back, but it's Wade Phillips Time!!" We probably were too taken in by all that Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl talk.
So, fans, your 2011 Texans!! The offense led by a man who should have been fired for producing an utterly inept team, and a defense led by a man who was fired for producing an utterly inept team.
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UConn Huskies College Football
TicketsThu., Sep. 29, 11:00am
Battle of the Piney Woods: SFA vs. SHSU
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 3:00pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. UTSA Roadrunners Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 15, 6:00pm
(Yes, yes, we know the Kubiak offense was a steamrolling juggernaut which struck fear in every NFL team even as it lost to almost every NFL team.)
Why is Kubiak coming back? Sure, there's the "pictures of McNair with a goat" theory, but we dismiss that. To a degree.
We offer five possible explanations:
a) Gary Kubiak must buy a whole lot of season tickets, since he sure doesn't sell them
b) McNair was going to fire Kubiak, but the chance to pair him with Wade Phillips was irresistible
c) GM Rick Smith told McNair keeping Kubiak was the "smart move," and when has Rick Smith ever been wrong about anything?
d) If there's one thing Bob McNair admires, it's a stout brushcut head of hair
e) McNair knows there's not going to be a 2011 season because of the lockout, so why should he pay a new coach to sit and do nothing?
Have a happy offseason, Texans fans!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.