Back in the day, there used to be a popular TV ad featuring an ape as an airport baggage-handler....
....and things somewhat predictably did not go well.
Sure, the ape was a little rough on the goods, but one thing he/she/it didn't do? He/she/it didn't tape a greasy dildo to the outside of the merchandise, where it could be seen by everyone as it hummed along the baggage carousel.
That second scenario (using humans as opposed to an ape) is something that a couple of dudes say happened to them in Houston's Bush Intercontinental Airport, and they're suing over it.
Court documents show that Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger say they were coming back to their home in Virginia from a Costa Rica trip last year when the incident allegedly happened.
The suit says the self-described "homosexual couple" went through customs at Bush with their luggage and then re-checked their bags for the Virginia leg.
When they landed in Virginia, the suit says, "plaintiffs discovered, to their horror, that a private sex toy had been removed from one of their bags [and been] covered in a greasy, foul-smelling substance."
Airport employees began laughing at them, the suit says, and the pair "were experiencing such a high degree of shock and embarrassment that they felt compelled to call two friends to come to the airport to assist them."
The suit says the pair was targeted because they were gay and asks for unspecified damages. The alleged misbehavior must have occurred at Bush, the suit says.
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We've put in a call to United but have not heard back; we'll update when we do. The airline has told other media outlets the allegations were unfounded:
United does not tolerate discrimination of any kind. After conducting a thorough investigation, we determined that there is no support for this allegation. Nonetheless, we offered these valued customers a gesture of goodwill which they declined. We will vigorously defend ourselves and our employees.