President Obama is headed to College Station Friday, at the invitation of former President George H.W. Bush, to speak about community service and whatnot.
Obama, having already spoken at Notre Dame earlier this career, apparently decided to find an even more hostile environment. (Next stop: Bob Jones University! Then Al-Qaeda headquarters and then, The Woodlands.)
Bush obviously is hoping very much for a polite, respectful reception for Obama in Aggieland. He also has a pretty good idea of just how popular the president likely is on campus.
So he's written an open letter to the A&M student body, essentially telling them "Hey, you and me both know this guy is leading us towards Stalinist concentration camps, but for just one day try to forget that he is the Anti-Christ."
He doesn't quite use that language, of course. In fact, you have to read between the lines to find the desperate pleading from the former president:
Bush letter: "Howdy! As you have probably heard, I have invited the 44th President of the United States of America to come visit the Bush Library and Texas A&M, and President Obama has graciously accepted."
Translation: "My use of "Howdy" demonstrates I'm as hip as the next Aggie, and when I say 'you have probably heard' I mean 'I am aware you have been loudly complaining about this horrible desecration of Aggieland.' And note I say he 'graciously' accepted. Graciously being the key word. Keep repeating it: Graciously, graciously..."
Bush letter: "Along with the administration, faculty, and so many of you, I am honored that The President, our President, is taking the time and making the effort to come to College Station."
Translation: "You do know how out-of-the-way and isolated College Station is, right? You know how hard it is to convince anyone to come here? 'Our President' -- I'm looking at you, Mr. Crew-Cut who pleasures himself to his Sarah Palin poster: 'Our President.' And he is not only taking the time, he is making the effort to come here. Can I emphasize this any more? He is getting on a plane and he is flying for hours and he is not getting a headstart on his weekend and -- well, hopefully you get the drill, Aggies."
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SHOW ME HOW
Bush letter: "This is not about politics. This is about the importance of service to our communities and our country."
Translation: "I know for damn sure that if this was about politics, you would all but put up barricades at the gates. So it's not about politics. Get it? Not about politics, this visit by a politician."
Bush letter: "I cannot wait for President Obama to experience the open, decent and welcoming Aggie spirit for himself.
This will be an important national moment, and a moment for Texas A&M to shine in the global spotlight as it always does. I sincerely hope and believe it will serve as a point of Aggie pride for many years to come."
Translation: "For the love of Christ, can I make it any clearer? Do I have to draw a picture? All I'm asking is that you submerge what you want to do with every last fiber of your being, which is to scream at this Fifth Column harbinger of America's doom."
Best of luck with your effort, Mr. Bush.