Zombieland is coming to theaters -- there's nothing you can do to stop it -- and Hair Balls has tickets!! Be among the first 20 people to e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org and get a pass good for two for
this next Thursday (October 1) night's screening of what promises to be a strong Academy Award contender.
Update: We're told by angry hordes that the e-mail doesn't work; in the meantime, use email@example.com. Our apologies.
If there's one thing that makes us thankful for the Twilight franchise and shows like True Blood and Vampire Diaries -- and it is just one thing -- it's that they've made vampires even more tiresome than zombies.
Movies about the living dead were coming close to critical mass there for a while back in the early '00s, but now that Hollywood is finally capitalizing on the annoying emo aspect of vampires, their undead counterparts have been nudged out of the spotlight. Ruben Fleischer's upcoming Zombieland aims to bring them back, and in order to capitalize on this ourselves, here are some of the more memorable flesh/brain eaters from the movies.
5. Karen (Kyra Schon) -- Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The shock value of seeing a little girl disemboweling her mother with a trowel perhaps distracted 1968 audiences from asking the more obvious question: how hard is it for a grown woman to fend off an 11-year-old girl? She should've asked Barbara for pointers.
4. Nathan Grantham (Jon Lormer) -- Creepshow (1982)
The "Father's Day" segment of this George A. Romero/Stephen King collaboration is significant for a couple of reasons. First, Ed Harris' career actually survived it. Second, the undead patriarch of the Grantham clan is possibly the only zombie in history that craved dessert instead of human flesh or brains.
3. Aqua Zombie (Ramon Bravo) -- Zombi 2 (1979)
Leave it to the Italians to out-gonzo everyone. Not only does Lucio Fulci's, uh, "masterpiece" feature some of the most inspired gore of its time (check out the eyeball scene), but it takes the revolutionary step of pitting two of nature's perfect killing machines against each other. Now if I could just get Fox to greenlight my reality show based on this.
2. Bub (Howard Sherman) -- Day of the Dead (1985)
George A. Romero uses his third zombie film to ask penetrating philosophical questions. Do zombies retain some semblance of their previous humanity? Can mankind ever truly overcome their barbaric underpinnings? Here's my question for George: When are we getting a Knightrider sequel?
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1. Tarman (Allan Trautman) -- Return of the Living Dead (1985)
The most recognizable zombie from the inspired RotLD was as much a formative influence for me as Indiana Jones, B.A. Baracus, and Quint from Jaws. In fact, I still find an excuse to exclaim "Brains!" at least a half-dozen times a week.
I also considered making zombie Trash, played by perpetually naked horror scream queen emeritus Linnea Quigley, my #1, but figured most of you were still at work.