Gobble, Gobble: Presenting Your 2012 Turkeys of the Year
Finally, the Turkeys are here! We're so excited, we thought we'd share this classic poem to honor the occasion.
'Twas the day before Thanksgiving, when all through the state Not a dumbass was hiding, their presence was great Their feathers were preened by oil with care In hopes that they'd be called the Turkey of the Year
All the public was eager to see who had won -- With visions of Rick Perry's disastrous presidential run But the Gov, with his corn dog, and his campaign muck-up Weren't enough to bring his luck up
But out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter A Council of Turkeys with no brain matter Separate parts, yet all included Connecting together, like a Voltron of Stupid
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow (He said breast, just so you know) When what to our wondering eyes should appear But a vandalizing d-bag who needs a kick in the rear And a district attorney, so disappointing in honor We smelled the stink of the Turkey upon her And a titty-shaking writer Twirling 'round a pole right beside her We could not believe it, could it lo be real As the fowl crowd crammed the Turkeymobile But we heard them warble, as they sputtered out of sight "Gobble, gobble to all, and to all a good afternoon!"
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.