Google Auto-Complete Answers: Why Are Fat People...
Randomly typing the start to questions into Google launches a whole host of weirdness that changes depending upon the searches people type into the search engine giant. Not only are they often interesting, but downright strange. I type in the requests and then answer the questions. You're welcome.
Dear searchers of Google, you are so fascinating. Over the past few weeks, I've answered the pressing questions you want answered. Questions like "Why are Texans so proud?" and "How stupid could I be?" were cleared up and never need be searched for again. Today, it's a new and exciting question. As usual, I'm up for a challenge.
It should be noted that while I am poking fun here, it's not at overweight people. Hell, I am one of those people. I'm more fascinated by the fact that the most popular fill-ins for the start of this question include "...so fat?" A better question would be "Why are dumb Google searchers so dumb?"
Why are fat people always hot? They are totally hot, right? It's like they should have a Playboy but for hot, chubby women. There have got to be Web sites for that. Okay, I just looked and, yup, there definitely are. Hoo boy. Wait, you did mean hot as in attractive, right?
Why are fat people so fat? This is an existential question that has plagued man back to the times of Plato. Why are fat people so fat? Some of it undoubtedly has to do with eating and exercise habits. Some may be related to hormonal imbalances or quirks of genetics. My money is on some government plot aimed at getting us so fat we can't fight back when they start selling off the planet's resources to aliens. The more important question: Why would you even ask this question in the first place?
Why are fat people so lazy? I'd like to believe that really fat people aren't so much lazy as sleepy. By carrying around so much extra weight, it's like a normal person carrying free weights...a lot of them.
Why are fat people so funny? Some of them are and some of them aren't. This guy most certainly was.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.