Hair Balls Viral Video Box Set, Early June Edition
Whiffle ball, more danger than you can imagine.
Monday morning is a time for two things -- assessing what you accomplished (or didn't) over the weekend, and commencing time wasting by watching viral videos.
Before we get to the latter, I decided to do a little bit of the former.
I knew that I watched a LOT of sports this weekend (nothing new), but wasn't totally sure what sports I spent the most time watching. So I looked back at Saturday. I took in most of the Houston versus Texas college baseball game during the afternoon, segued seamlessly into the first half of U.S. against Nigeria in a "friendly" soccer game, flipped the channels briefly to watch California Chrome not win the Triple Crown (more on this momentarily), and finally watched roughly four hours of pulse-quickening Stanley Cup action on NBC.
So, if you're keeping score at home, that's college baseball, soccer, horse racing, and hockey.
Not one of the "big three" major (football, basketball, Major League Baseball) sports. Point being, I am totally evolving in my old age. Like when I finally started eating sushi at age 41. Beware of my growth, people.
Now, onto the vids...
WHIFFLE BALL NUT SHOT (6/3/14) Rule number 361 of being a guy -- it's always funny anytime somebody gets hit in the nuts so long as a) that person isn't you, b) you cringe like it actually did happen to you when it does happen, and c) you outwardly show sympathy if you're in the presence of the victim, even though inside you're dying of laughter. So, here you go, a nut shot on an umpire (Bonus! Suck it, Authority!) in a wiffle-ball league in Michigan (yes, wiffle-ball league!)
WEDDING PARTY DOCK COLLAPSE (6/3/14) First off, as someone whose first wedding (yeah, I'm in the "working on multiple weddings" club) had way too many bridesmaids and groomsmen (8 aside, if I recall correctly), this wedding party has way too many bridesmaids and groomsmen. That said, if you're going to ask your entire graduating class to be in your wedding party, make sure that wherever you take the group picture, it a) can hold a ton and a half of humanity, and b) is not over water. Oh dear....
WALK OFF SOFTBALL STRIKEOUT (6/3/14) Is this video a bad look for softball? Maybe. I was just shocked that it was played in Montana and the temperature looks like it's actually above thirty....
THIS GUY SHOULD'VE DIED. WOW. (6/3/14) The other day on my radio show, my co-host Ted Johnson and I were choosing how we would die if we were Game of Thrones characters. (Mine? Beheading in the middle of sex.) I have no point other than I'm pretty sure nobody on earth would choose "death by banger car." This guy almost did....
POV VIDEO OF BIKER GETTING ROBBED (6/4/14) I'm still debating whether this was real or if this was a "what to do if a random dude walks up to you and robs you on a desolate bike path." (Or perhaps, what NOT to do if you're the robber...um, dude, how about stealing the GoPro camera off of the guy's helmet?)
VERY POOR WHEEL OF FORTUNE GUESS (6/6/14) Game show fails are awesome. Somehow this guy actually reads the entire word "COME" as "GO," which in addition to having no phonic correlation is the polar opposite in meaning. A literal 100 percent failure!
By the way, underrated -- the chick who scoops the prize then enunciates so perfectly that you can see the muscles in her face moving with each letter. People are frightened of the pronunciation police, and why wouldn't they be after our military got slapped around like this that one time....
BELMONT POST RACE INTERVIEW: "COWARD'S WAY OUT" (6/7/14) Ok, California Chrome was going for the Triple Crown on Saturday, and managed to keep alive the failure streak of horses going for the Triple Crown at thirteen and counting. Afterwards, Chrome's owner Steve Coburn had this to say....
Seriously, I loved that. I don't know which part was better, Coburn turning heel on the entire sport of horse racing, or him telling his old lady to pipe down afterwards. Honestly, the only reason I couldn't give this a perfect 100 on the "heel promo scale," was because he didn't drop a "MEN ARE TALKING" on his wife. Still, a 99.8 is a pretty good score.
The next morning, Coburn apparently told everyone he was going to apologize and this happened...
Love it! The only thing that would've been better would have been if he had gone with "Yeah, I'm sorry....I'M SORRY I DIDN'T RAIL FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES AND FINISH THE JOB!!!" Also, if he had supplemented his "Triple means three" math lesson by breaking out into this song....
...I'd have been cool with that, too!
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Astros Take Royals, Announcers by Surprise with Game One Win
Mon., Oct. 19, 7:00pm
Wed., Oct. 21, 7:00pm
Sat., Oct. 24, 12:00am
Sat., Oct. 24, 11:00am
- Why Are Neighbors Angry That the Glenbrook Golf Course is Becoming a Botanical Garden?
- Cougars Destroy SMU, Storm Out To 5-0 Record