Halloween Pranks: A Complete 16-Part Guide, By An Expert

They have an egg ban, go goo g'joob

They say that idle hands are the devil's tools, and that line is proven to be true most every weekend while you are a teenager. Growing up I found myself in a strange, marauding gang of girls and boys who lived to pull pranks on stranger's houses, and a handful of friends' dwellings. We got so good at it that some people sought us out for help for band and various club initiations.

Keep in mind, I wasn't party to all of this. Most of these I heard of second-hand from friends growing up reminiscing over beers about our past exploits. Today if someone did this stuff to our own house we would stand outside all night with a cellphone and handgun waiting around like Joe Horn. You get older and somehow things stop being funny. It's kind of bittersweet.

The Halloween season is the prime pranking time. It's just expected. As you get older, you can't get candy or toys anymore on the holiday so you have to find ways to lash out and not go to jail in the process. That's part of the charm, we assume.

You can pull these pranks anytime of the year, and not just the Halloween season. Extra points if you pull some of these during Thanksgiving and Christmas, though. Also, if you are a grown person and you are using this blog for tips, then you probably don't have much to do on those holidays anyhow.

Have fun, don't get caught, and make sure to always deny, deny, deny...

1. Toilet Paper
Use wads of this stuff soaked in water. It acts like papier-mache, and it's hard to get rid of. Don't forget to get it in the storm gutters, so they can clog up and cause even more headaches.

2. Shaving Cream
Writing on cars and houses is the best use for shaving cream. Cryptic messages, suggestive come-ons, whatever suits your fancy.

Nothing says "Halloween" like KY Jelly!
3. KY Jelly

Doorhandles! Be sure to put this under and on all doorhandles. It smells, plus try washing it off. Or explaining why you smell like it later on. If you wanna be really hip, get Astro-Glide.

4. Fruit
It makes a mess, sticky and pulpy. Rotten fruit is the best bet.

5. Sugar
In the grass. It attracts ants for weeks and gets aggravating. We once put two or three pounds in a yard.

6. Flour & Sugar Bombs
Mix flour, water, and sugar to make tiny hand grenades. Same idea as the toilet paper and water. Also attracts bugs and animals.

7. Eggs
Do your worst here. Cars, windows, gutters, Sweet 16 decorations...

8. Bologna
This meat on windows will cook overnight and create havoc in the morning.

 9. Mashed Potatoes
Get the powdered, flaky kind and pour this on cars, trees, and grass. At least it will smell good when they are cleaning it all up.

10. Weed Killer
This one is kind of involved, and it's only best for bigger areas like football fields and whatnot. Curse words are always best, but get artistic if you must.

Jolly Ranchers: AN integral part of your pranking kit
11. Tampons

We knew girls who threw these in trees, for what reason we have no idea. Is it supposed to be embarrassing? We get it, you have a period.

12. Condoms
These look funny when put on the tailpipes of cars. Don't ask.

13. Construction Barrels
We knew a guy who used to put these in the front of neighborhood entrances. It's kind of dumb, but makes you laugh when you are 17.

14. Jolly Ranchers
These will strip paint off cars. Be careful you don't get them on your own.  

15. Soap
Suburban water fountains are plagued by soap bandits. We once put a bucket of the stuff in a fountain and foam got into the streets around it. It looked kind of pretty actually.

16. Prank Calls
Falsely soliciting vinyl siding jobs at 2 a.m. -- pre-caller ID, this was our playground. Now, you have to use payphones. Remember to use gloves.

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