Hard Times at the Chron


Hard Times at the Chron
Unbleached towels in the bathroom

By Richard Connelly

The Houston Chronicle has been hit with the same rough economy as others in the print media. Sometimes that leads to layoffs.

Sometimes it leads to cutting back on the janitorial services. A new memo from management outlines the shocking hardships Chron staffers will now have to undergo in an effort to help Hearst's bottom line.

The memo:

Changes in Janitorial Services

Effective Monday, November 14, 2011

In an effort to reduce expenses, there will be some changes to the janitorial services provided by GCA. Some of these changes will be seamless while others more apparent. Listed below are the most dramatic of the changes that will take effect on Monday, November 14 at all Houston Chronicle locations....

Refrigerators - GCA will no longer clean out or defrost refrigerators. If your department or an individual has a refrigerator, the department's employees or individual users are responsible for cleaning and maintaining it. As always, if the refrigerator is broken or needs service, a work order for repairs can be submitted to the Help Desk.

WHAT?!?!? What kind of heartless, slave-driving corporation demands that employees take care of their stuff in the refrigerator?

Frankly, we're more used to working in places that send out the occasional pleading memo that says something like "There's food that looks like science experiments, people — PLEASE take care of it!!!!!!"

Chronicle Garage cleaning - Rather than the current daily cleaning of the parking garage, GCA will be cleaning the garage three times each week.

Paper products - Some of the paper products that are currently in use such as roll towels in the bathrooms will be replaced with unbleached towels. Also less expensive folded hand towels/napkins will be supplied to the kitchens.

801 Texas used to be such a classy place. The magic is gone.

Restroom cleaning - The frequency of service will now become twice a day for regularly staffed areas, once/day on floors that have a small number of employees. On the 5th floor and 4 North, GCA will continue to clean restrooms three times/day based on the large number of people working in these areas.

Meeting room set ups - GCA will no longer set up tables and chairs for meetings. They will not have adequate personal on site daily to perform janitorial services and set up meeting rooms throughout the day [sic]. Each department holding a meeting will be responsible for setting up and tearing down the room configuration...

If that last one results in fewer meetings, we're guessing reporters won't complain.


Dumbest Accident-Scene Question EVER

By John Nova Lomax

A connected series of two allegedly alcohol-related car crashes killed one, injured three and sent three others to jail, one in part for asking one of the dumbest questions we've ever read anyone asking at an accident scene.

At 1:30 a.m. November 13, just outside of Palestine, a Chevy Tahoe driven by Erik Shawn Green crossed the center line of Highway 287 and smashed into a Nissan Xterra. A passenger in the Xterra — 40-year-old Betsey Salazar of Waco — was killed, and three other occupants of the same car were taken to hospitals in serious condition.

Green was taken to a hospital in Palestine and treated for minor injuries. He is now in the Anderson County Jail, where he is being held in lieu of bonds totaling $800,000 and facing one charge of intoxicated manslaughter and three counts of intoxicated assault.

While police and medics were clearing up that disaster, 27-year-old Matthew Mitchell attempted to navigate his Chevy Impala through the swirling sea of flashing lights of the fleet of police cruisers and ambulances on the scene. Unfortunately, he plowed into the life-flight chopper's tail fin. (Damages to the chopper were minor and it was apparently able to whisk an injured woman to a local hospital.)

A DPS trooper on the scene quoted Mitchell thusly:

"Why was the helicopter flying so low?"

Perhaps the cops bothered to give Mitchell field-tests at that point. Or perhaps not — maybe that question was enough to give them everything they needed. In either case, Mitchell was charged with DWI. Passenger Robert Hamm was charged with public intoxication.


The BJ Heard 'Round the World

By John Nova Lomax

We report, the world reacts.

That's pretty much what has happened in the days since we helped the Montgomery County Police Reporter break the story of Howard Keith Windham and Tina Marie Arie and the cop-car hummer heard 'round the world.

Here's a portion of what people around the world said about the back-seat, handcuffed blow job between two perps, brought to you via the magic of Google Translate:

We like the exoticism of the Hungarians: "Összebilincselt hands did not prevent Windhamet Howard Keith and Tina Marie Arie was that of a police car while they are transported to the station, quickly sucking bonyolódjanak."

Is that Hungarian for badonkadonk? (If so, they lost something in the translation.)

A California-based Spanish-language paper:

The officer noticed that something strange was happening in the back seat when he saw in the mirror Tina's head on the lap of Windham. She said she was tired, but the officer realized what was happening and ordered them to immediately terminate your pleasant activity.

Yep, I'll bet that's pretty much exactly the way that Montgomery County constable put it. "Ma'am, I'm gonna have to request that you immediately terminate that-there pleasant activity."

The Danes saluted the "energetic Tina Marie" and said that she "was no more 'tired' than she could show a little magic. 'Windham jeans were open [and] Arie was about to serve his genitals,' as it says in the police report."

Wow, never knew there was cannibalism involved...

"She was slumped on the lap of his neighbor, but not for fatigue. Windham had his pants undone, she was beside him on his genitals with his face to the wind," waxed the poetic Italians at Blitz Quotidiano.

The Dutch reaction, bluntly headlined "Woman Sucks in Police Car": "On the way to the prison knew the 44-year-old Tina Marie Arie pants of the 30-year-old Howard Keith Windham pry him a good dose of oral pampering it."

Hawt talk.


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