Headlines We'll Never Believe: "Why Beyoncé Is Beyond Embarrassed She's the World's Most Beautiful Woman"
In case you are just now emerging from your isolation chamber, Houston's Beyoncé has been named People magazine's Most Beautiful Woman.
According to our friends at CultureMap, she is "beyond embarrassed" about this.
To which we cheerfully say: Bullshit.
As evidence, CultureMap cites this "behind the scenes" video of People's cover shot.
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. UCF Knights Football
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 11:00am
Rice University Owls Football vs. Florida Atlantic University Owls Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 5, 2:30pm
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Tulane University Football
TicketsSat., Nov. 12, 11:00am
University of Houston Cougars Football vs. Louisville Cardinals College Football
TicketsThu., Nov. 17, 7:00pm
Now, you would think that simply the existence of a behind-the-scenes video documenting your hours of posing for the perfect airbrushed shot of a mass-distribution magazine is QED proof that Beyoncé is embarrassed about the whole thing, but there's more!
In it she says, "Being named the world's most beautiful woman is really hard to say. It's overwhelming, it makes me feel crunchy, which means embarrassed."
Since every millisecond of Beyoncé's pregnancy (conspiracy theorists: we know, we know) has been micromanaged from a publicity standpoint, we can only imagine the negotiations for this cover "story" were only slightly less complicated than the Law of the Sea conference.
We're sure all the talks were necessary to do as much as possible to minimize Beyoncé's embarrassment.
Let's just say we're not totally convinced that the idea of choosing Beyoncé originated on the People magazine side of the equation.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.